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Some people believe that in order for a hobby to be enjoyable, it needs to be difficult in some way. Do you agree or disagree? v.3

Some people believe that in order for a hobby to be enjoyable, it needs to be difficult in some way. v. 3
The activity that someone regularly does for pleasure during his leisure time is known as a hobby. It is true that good hobbies are always a source of happiness for people if they include some kind of challenge. Therefore, I strongly agreed that a good hobby must be competitive so that people get excited while performing it. (56) We had seen in the past that people always lived a simple life. They had limited things to do in their free time. They adapted such hobbies that had real benefits in their daily life beside to be a source of pleasure. (42) Presently, the trend of hobbies that include certain level of difficulties is spreading among people of all ages. Nowadays, everyone is in a hurry to participate in some kind of hobby which boosts his confidence level and skills. However, the selection of hobby varies greatly with age. For example, children always choose hobbies like drawings and coin collection from which they learn some lessons of daily life. Similarly, adults always like to adapt such activities as hobbies like sports and watching movies that not only make the best use of their free time but also helped them in their physical and mental growth. (102) The recent development in Science and Information technology has turned the whole world into a global village in which everyone is able to perform and participate in the hobbies of his own choice. Thus, if the people keep on adapting challenging hobbies then our new generation will surely be more confident and intelligent. (53) Hence, I believed that a good hobby must have a learning environment in addition to be a source of entertainment and enjoyment. (22)
The activity that someone
regularly
does for pleasure during his leisure time
is known
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
. It is true that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
are always a source of happiness for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
if they include
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kind of challenge.
Therefore
, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
that a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be competitive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
excited while performing it. (56)

We had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the past that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
a simple life. They had limited things to do in their free time. They adapted such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
that had real benefits in their daily life beside to be a source of pleasure. (42)

Presently
, the trend of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
that include certain level of difficulties is spreading among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of all ages. Nowadays, everyone is in a hurry to participate in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
which boosts his confidence level and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
However
, the selection of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
varies
greatly
with age.
For example
, children always choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
like drawings and coin collection from which they learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
lessons of daily life.
Similarly
, adults always like to adapt such activities as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
like sports and watching movies that not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the best
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of their free time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
them in their physical and mental growth. (102)

The recent development in Science and Information technology has turned the whole world into a global village in which everyone is able to perform and participate in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
of his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
choice.
Thus
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
on adapting challenging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
then our new generation will
surely
be more confident and intelligent. (53)

Hence
, I believed that a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have a learning environment
in addition
to be a source of entertainment and enjoyment. (22)
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
I love commuting between languages just like I love commuting between cultures and cities.
Elif Safak

IELTS essay Some people believe that in order for a hobby to be enjoyable, it needs to be difficult in some way. v. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
281 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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