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Some people believe that hobbies should be challenging to be enjoyable. What are the advantages and disadvantages of maintaining a challenging pastime? v.2

Some people believe that hobbies should be challenging to be enjoyable. What are the advantages and disadvantages of maintaining a challenging pastime? v. 2
Challenging hobbies like extreme sports or playing with complex puzzles interest people since they are rewarding and unusual. While that' s true, those kinds of pastimes carry two faces. People can achieve high self-esteem and experience new things; however, they might get both mental and physical damage and feel reluctant to go back to their daily life. When people do something difficult and gain success after a struggle, they feel confidence. Unlike daily routines, which are full of problems and failure people cannot deal with, there is a possibility of great success which is truly achievable only by people' s efforts when doing a hobby. It might lead to sense of refreshment and help people to believe they are competent enough. Further to that, challenging hobbies provide new experiences encouraging people to escape from the real world. When thinking about the case of rock climbing as an example, people inevitably face a totally different environment from their boring and small office. There is no doubt it cannot only expand their mind but give satisfaction. However, the same dispositions of challenging pastimes may work in negative ways in many cases. Though they are rewarding, it gives confidence only when people achieve success. Since they are challenging, there is a much higher possibility of failure, actually; continual failure might deteriorate the negative feelings such as depression and anguish from a normal life. Also, high risk of failure can be a more serious problem when it comes to severe injuries. Many people who enjoy extreme sports become disabled or even lose their lives every year. If the damage is not as severe as such cases, extreme hobbies may make people fatigued hindering them to relieve stress. Also they may make people reluctant to go back to their everyday lives. A higher level of excitement and stimulation from their uniqueness will overwhelm a main part of life: working. IN conclusion, enjoying challenging hobbies has several advantages; people can get self-esteem and experience which are far from their routines. Despite these benefits, there are disadvantages of them such as damage and rejection to return to normal days. It should be remembered that those problems can be serious and sometimes weaken the benefits of challenging hobbies.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Challenging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
like extreme sports or playing with complex puzzles interest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
since they are rewarding and unusual. While
Possible spelling mistake found.
that&
#039; s true, those kinds of pastimes carry two faces.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
can achieve high self-esteem and experience new things;
however
, they might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
both mental and physical damage and feel reluctant to go back to their daily life.

When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do something difficult and gain success after a struggle, they feel confidence. Unlike daily routines, which are full of problems and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
failure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot deal with, there is a possibility of great success which is
truly
achievable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
by
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s efforts when doing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
. It might lead to sense of refreshment and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to believe they are competent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
.
Further
to that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
challenging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
provide new experiences encouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to escape from the real world. When thinking about the case of rock climbing as an example,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
inevitably
face a
totally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
environment from their boring and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
office. There is no doubt it cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
expand their mind
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
give satisfaction.

However
, the same dispositions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
challenging
pastimes may work in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
ways in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases. Though they are rewarding, it gives confidence
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
achieve success. Since they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
challenging
, there is a much higher possibility of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
failure
, actually; continual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
failure
might deteriorate the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
feelings such as depression and anguish from a normal life.
Also
, high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
failure
can be a more serious problem when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to severe injuries.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who enjoy extreme sports become disabled or even lose their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
every year. If the damage is not as severe as such cases, extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
fatigued hindering them to relieve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
they may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
reluctant to go back to their everyday
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. A higher level of excitement and stimulation from their uniqueness will overwhelm a main part of life: working.

IN conclusion
, enjoying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
challenging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
has several advantages;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
self-esteem and experience which are far from their routines. Despite these benefits, there are disadvantages of them such as damage and rejection to return to normal days. It should
be remembered
that those problems can be serious and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
weaken the benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
challenging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that hobbies should be challenging to be enjoyable. What are the advantages and disadvantages of maintaining a challenging pastime? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
370 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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