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Some people believe that having a job you enjoy is more important than earning a high salary. v.1

Some people believe that having a job you enjoy is more important than earning a high salary. v. 1
There are many factors that affect people's working life, such as having an enjoyable career, being creative or earning a lot of money. Although doing work we like is important, having a high income is arguably more important because it affects us in many other ways. Firstly, the money from a well-paid job gives us a sense of status that makes us feel valued. It is true that we can feel valued in some roles where there is a friendly, supportive environment. However, in many jobs we can not rely on respect and support form work colleagues. Jobs in banking, for example, are often quite competitive and involve staring at a computer screen for much of the time. Without the compensation of a high salary, workers in these roles might feel low self-esteem. In addition, a high salary means that people can plan for the future more easily and have more opportunities in life. On the other hand, we may like our boss and enjoy working with our colleagues. But on the other words, if we do not earn a high salary, our future might be more difficult. For example, we might not be able to support our children through university or might not have enough money for our retirement. If a low salary impacts on our children's future or our lifestyle in retirement, this could make us very dissatisfied. In conclusion, even if people really enjoy their jobs, they are unlikely to be happy and comfortable without a high level of income. A good salary can make so many other areas of life better, and it is therefore more important than doing work you like.
There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
factors that affect
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's working life, such as having an enjoyable career, being creative or earning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money. Although doing work we like is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
, having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
income is
arguably
more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it affects us in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
ways.

Firstly
, the money from a well-paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
gives us a sense of status that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
us feel valued. It is true that we can feel valued in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
roles where there is a friendly, supportive environment.
However
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
we can not rely on respect and support form work colleagues.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Jobs
in banking,
for example
, are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
quite competitive and involve staring at a computer screen for much of the time. Without the compensation of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
, workers in these roles
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
feel low self-esteem.

In addition
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
means that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can plan for the future more
easily
and have more opportunities in life. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, we may like our boss and enjoy working with our colleagues.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, if we do not earn a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
, our future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be more difficult.
For example
, we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
not be able to support our children through university or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money for our retirement. If a low
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
impacts on our children's future or our lifestyle in retirement, this could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
dissatisfied.

In conclusion
, even if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
really
enjoy their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, they are unlikely to be happy and comfortable without a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
level of income. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
areas of life better, and it is
therefore
more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than doing work you like.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that having a job you enjoy is more important than earning a high salary. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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