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Some people believe that happiness is a person responsibility while other thinks it’s depend on other factors.Do you agree or disagree.

Some people believe that happiness is a person responsibility while other thinks it’s depend on other factors. Wygqq
It is generally accepted by a group of society that we are responsible for our happiness. On the other hand, some argue that this is depend on other things. This is prevalent conviction among them, my perspective is that in this concurrent world, people self responsible for their pleasure. This essay will illustrate all the possible points for my standpoint. To begin with, there are several of reasons why we are responsible for own gladness. First of all, we are living in a fast paced era. Everyone busy in their own lives so no one have time for anyone. Therefor, we have to make our life happy without anyone help or hope. For instance, when we are free from my work and have time, maybe other person busy in their deeds. Instead of waiting for them, we can do everything which makes us happy. In addition, everyone knows their self better than anyone else. So when you we get time and do our favourite thinks that gives us a great amount of pleasure. Moreover, earlier people gave a lot of importantance to their relationships which is changed nowadays. People become selfish. First they givefirst preference to theirself after others and jealous level is very high. Now, they do not want to see their dear ones happy. That is why a person responsible for happiness in this selfish world. In conclusion, it is clear from the given reasons that we are responsible for our well-being and gladness. So people should always depend on their own in matters of happiness
It is
generally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
by a group of society that we are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsible
for our happiness. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that this is
Consider using a past participle here: "depended".
depend
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
things. This is prevalent conviction among them, my perspective is that in this concurrent world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
self
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsible
for their pleasure. This essay will illustrate all the possible points for my standpoint. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are several of reasons why we are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsible
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
gladness.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, we are living in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
paced era. Everyone busy in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
no one have time for anyone. Therefor, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our life happy without anyone
The pronoun 'anyone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "helps", "helped".
help
or hope.
For instance
, when we are free from my work and have time, maybe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
person busy in their deeds.
Instead
of waiting for them, we can do everything which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
us happy.
In addition
, everyone knows their self better than anyone else.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
when
Consider adding a comma here.
you
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
time and do our
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
that gives us a great amount of pleasure.
Moreover
, earlier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
gave
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
Possible spelling mistake found.
importantance
to their relationships which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
nowadays.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
become selfish.
First
they
Possible spelling mistake found.
givefirst
preference to
Possible spelling mistake found.
theirself
after others and jealous level is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
, they do not want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
their dear ones happy.
That is
why a person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsible
for happiness in this selfish world.
In conclusion
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
reasons that we are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsible
for our well-being and gladness.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should always depend on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
in matters of
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
happiness
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IELTS essay Some people believe that happiness is a person responsibility while other thinks it’s depend on other factors.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
257 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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