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Some people believe that governments should make it free for all students no matter what financial background they have. Do advantages outweigh these disadvantages?

Some people believe that governments should make it free for all students no matter what financial background they have. Do advantages outweigh these disadvantages? 6L3nB
In this day and age, almost nations over the world have been targeting to the knowledge economy. As a consequence, an increasing number of people are concerned about the phenomenon that whether all students with any financial circumstances should be made it free for formal education. However, I would contend that the merits of this development are outweighed by its drawback. On the one hand, it seems to confirm the idea that if government bring free-college policy or provision of free-of-charge education into effect, people in all walk of life will be entitled to attend tertiary education. As a result, these policies can contribute considerably to waive the illiteracy in a lot of slums and the impoverished countryside, which is extremely important since the educational level reflects the progression of each country, for instance, many develop countries Japan, USA or Singapore possess cutting-edge technology and high average per capita income due to high academic level. Whereby, the underprivileged students are able to experience a modern environment and get access to job opportunity in the future, which provide more high educated workforce for economy causing the advance in other fields like healthcare and military. On the other hand, I believe the positive aspects of this trend are eclipsed by more immediate threats to budget’s government due to the substantial loss of tuition fees and educational fund triggers national budget deficit, so this method absolutely inappropriate to the developing countries and the less ones. Moreover, the shortage of budget investing in health service and military areas is also the repercussion of this trend. Secondly, the additional subsidy stimulates the greedy of humans, specifically there are more and more people who are not really destitute and entirely have the capable of paying all of the charge are relying on this policy and this situation depriving the chance of families are worth receiving this welfare. All in all, this statement are partly true, however, the risk of this trend are significant, therefore, authorities of each nations should distribute the limited budget reasonably and equally to various fields
In this day and age, almost nations over the world have been targeting to the knowledge economy. As a consequence, an increasing number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are concerned
about the phenomenon that whether all students with any financial circumstances should
be made
it free for formal education.
However
, I would contend that the merits of this development
are outweighed
by its drawback.

On the one hand, it seems to confirm the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
bring free-college policy or provision of free-of-charge education into effect,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in all walk of life will
be entitled
to attend tertiary education.
As a result
, these policies can contribute
considerably
to waive the illiteracy in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
slums and the impoverished countryside, which is
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
since the educational level reflects the progression of each country,
for instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
develop countries Japan, USA or Singapore possess cutting-edge technology and high average per capita income due to high academic level. Whereby, the underprivileged students are able to experience a modern environment and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
access to job opportunity in the future, which provide more high educated workforce for economy causing the advance in other fields like healthcare and military.

On the other hand
, I believe the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects of this trend
are eclipsed
by more immediate threats to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
budget’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
due to the substantial loss of tuition fees and educational fund triggers national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
budget
deficit,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
this method
absolutely
inappropriate to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
and the
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun ones is countable.
less
ones.
Moreover
, the shortage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
budget
investing in health service and military areas is
also
the repercussion of this trend.
Secondly
, the additional subsidy stimulates
The phrase 'the greedy of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'the' and 'of'.
the greedy of
humans,
specifically
there are more and more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are not
really
destitute and
entirely
have
The phrase 'the capable of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'the' and 'of'.
the capable of
paying
Consider using "all the".
all of the
charge are relying on this policy and this situation depriving the chance of families are worth receiving this welfare.

All in all, this statement are partly true,
however
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of this trend are significant,
therefore
, authorities of each
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "nation"?
nations
should distribute the limited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
budget
reasonably
and
equally
to various fields
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IELTS essay Some people believe that governments should make it free for all students no matter what financial background they have. Do advantages outweigh these disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
342 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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