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People often become unwell. Some people say it is better to prevent illness than to have to cure it. What is your opinion?

People often become unwell. Some people say it is better to prevent illness than to have to cure it. What is your opinion? 9lMK3
In general, it is inevitable for people to stay healthy in whole life and they often get sick. In my opinion, prevention of illness is important and a better way than curing. It helps people to have a strong physical foundation; and, they can save money. To start with, it is probable that preventing illness can make people have a strong physical foundation. People can use some preventative measures to enhance immunity through exercising and maintaining a balanced diet. For example, as the saying goes, taking long term aerobic exercise can effectively inhibit some cardiopulmonary diseases. Aerobic exercise promotes the body's blood cycle, which is a way to improve people's health. Therefore, this gives an indication that reasonable and suitable preventive measures might bring people to have a better basis of health. Next, prevention of illness is a more cost-saving measure when compared with its treatment. This is because it might take a lot of money to remedy illness. For instance, if people have ill health, they need to pay for medicine, meals for the sick or sometimes the expense of hospitalisation. Prevention measures can be as simple as getting a good night's sleep and a nutritious meal, which does not cost much. Preventing illness makes people happy because they do not have to worry about spending extra money. As you can see, people can save money by preventing disorder. In conclusion, one side of preventing illness could bring people to have well physical, at the same time, it is a more cost-saving method than curing it. Thus, people who choose to prevent disease may do better than cure it.
In general
, it is inevitable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to stay healthy in whole
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
life and
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
sick. In my opinion, prevention of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illness
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and a better way than curing. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have a strong physical foundation; and, they can save money.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, it is probable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
preventing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illness
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a strong physical foundation.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
preventative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
measures
to enhance immunity through exercising and maintaining a balanced diet.
For example
, as the saying goes, taking long term aerobic exercise can
effectively
inhibit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cardiopulmonary diseases. Aerobic exercise promotes the body's blood cycle, which is a way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's health.
Therefore
, this gives an indication that reasonable and suitable preventive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
measures
might bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have a better basis of health.

Next
, prevention of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illness
is a more cost-saving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
measure
when compared with its treatment. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it might take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money to remedy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illness
.
For instance
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have ill health, they need to pay for medicine, meals for the sick or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
the expense of
Possible spelling mistake. 'hospitalisation' is British English.
hospitalisation
. Prevention
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
measures
can be as simple as getting a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
night's sleep and a nutritious meal, which does not cost much.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Preventing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illness
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
happy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
worry about spending extra money. As you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can save money by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
preventing
disorder.

In conclusion
, one side of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
preventing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illness
could bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have well physical, at the same time, it is a more cost-saving method than curing it.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who choose to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
disease may do better than cure it.
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IELTS essay People often become unwell. Some people say it is better to prevent illness than to have to cure it. What is your opinion?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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