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Some people believe that government should take care of old people whereas others oppose this view. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

Some people believe that government should take care of old people whereas others oppose this view. brVYl
The old people have always been treated as a dormant part of society since ages. Who should take care of them is a debatable topic these days. Some people think that the senior citizens should be looked after by the government while others have a different opinion. I will discuss both the views in my essay. On one hand, old people are physically weak and are financially incapacitated. Due to which they are often ignored and abandoned by their children. Moreover, they are considered as a burden on the society because they are not able to earn. By providing a monthly pension to senior citizens, the government can support their empowerment and emancipation. Additionally, if their children do not look after them or leave them, they can still be able to afford a domestic help. Furthermore, the government can also provide them with the facility of old age homes, where they can spend quality time with the people of the same age group. On the other side, people spend a huge part of their incomes for their children’s well-being. The parents not only give birth to their kids, but also make them stand on their feet. So, in order to pay the debt of gratitude to them, the children should meet the financial and emotional needs of their elderly parents. To conclude, in my opinion, both children and government are morally responsible for supporting the old people. Because, when they are young, they not only take care of their families, but also contribute a lot to nation building. Moreover, the government can also help them lead a happy and respectful life by providing some kind of financial assistance. Certainly, any financial support will inevitably make them capable of living independently.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have always
been treated
as a dormant part of society since ages.
“Who” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Who
should take care of them is a debatable topic these days.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the senior citizens should
be looked
after by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
while others have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
opinion. I will discuss both the views in my essay.

On one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
physically
weak and are
financially
incapacitated. Due to which they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
and abandoned by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Moreover
, they
are considered
as a burden on the society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are not able to earn. By providing a monthly pension to senior citizens, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can support their empowerment and emancipation.
Additionally
, if their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do not look after them or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
them, they can
still
be able to afford a domestic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
.
Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can
also
provide them with the facility of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
age homes, where they can spend quality time with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of the same age group.

On the other side,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend a huge part of their incomes for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
well-being. The parents not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
give birth to their kids,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them stand on their feet.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, in order to pay the debt of gratitude to them, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the financial and emotional needs of their elderly parents.

To conclude
, in my opinion, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
are
morally
responsible for supporting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, when they are young, they not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
take care of their families,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
contribute a lot to nation building.
Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them lead a happy and respectful life by providing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kind of financial assistance.
Certainly
, any financial support will
inevitably
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them capable of living
independently
.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that government should take care of old people whereas others oppose this view.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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