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Some people believe that government should provide money to unemployed people while others are against it. Discuss both views and conclude.

Some people believe that government should provide money to unemployed people while others are against it. p1AD9
Nowadays, there is a vast majority of unemployed people who need some financial support. But should these people be provided financial assistance by the government? There is a general perception that supporting them financially is the most effective method, while other people are against this perception. This essay will put light on both sides of the argument and draw a conclusion. First of all, there is a positive impact on people who don't have work, if supported by the government. Firstly, it will encourage them to keep searching for a job, otherwise they will get involved in illegal practices to earn money and feed their family. For example, if a person holding an engineering degree cannot find a job related to his stream then due to lack of alternatives of earn living he/she could start doing crimes like robbery to satisfy financial needs. Thus the more support government will provide, the lesser will be the crime rate. On the other hand, if a person is provided incentives on a regular basis, then it will discourage him to find work as his basic needs are already fulfilled by the government so there is no need to earn money by working for someone. This will lead to higher unemployment rate resulting in decline in the economy of a country and increasing poverty. Secondly money provided to people with no work is sponsored from tax paid by all the citizens of a country and government should use it to invest in more important projects. In India, for example, government should spend on developing infrastructure, which will lead to more business creating more employment opportunities. In conclusion, while unemployed people enjoy the benefits of getting money regularly, other tax payers become the victim of this scheme. In my opinion the government should provide financial support to people but to a certain extent and make them accountable for the some provided.
Nowadays, there is a vast majority of unemployed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
support.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
should these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provided
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
assistance by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
? There is a general perception that supporting them
financially
is the most effective method, while other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are against this perception. This essay will put light on both sides of the argument and draw a conclusion.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, there is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who don't have work, if supported by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
.
Firstly
, it will encourage them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
searching for a job,
otherwise
they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved in illegal practices to earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and feed their family.
For example
, if a person holding an engineering degree cannot find a job related to his stream then due to lack of alternatives of earn living he/she could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
doing crimes like robbery to satisfy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
the more support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
will provide, the lesser will be the crime rate.

On the other hand
, if a person is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provided
incentives on a regular basis, then it will discourage him to find work as his basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
are already fulfilled by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
there is no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
by working for someone. This will lead to higher unemployment rate resulting in decline in the economy of a country and increasing poverty.
Secondly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provided
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with no work
is sponsored
from tax paid by all the citizens of a country and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it to invest in more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
projects. In India,
for example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should spend on developing infrastructure, which will lead to more business creating more employment opportunities.

In conclusion
, while unemployed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
enjoy the benefits of getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
regularly
, other tax payers become the victim of this scheme.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
my opinion the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
support to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to a certain extent and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them accountable for the
Did you mean "same"?
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provided
.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that government should provide money to unemployed people while others are against it.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
316 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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