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My Government and My Reality

My Government and My Reality jbAEd
My government and my reality, I come from a country Nigeria, a state called Delta and the tribe of Urhobo.   My country is ruled by the federal government, a body of leaders who have been intentionally selected from a specific group of tribes. Majorly the Yoruba and the Hausa tribe, they have the highest number of leaders in the government and they basically decide on most of the general decisions concerning the entire country. A country like Nigeria with its large number of tribes and only two tribes in decisive power and position, it affects the entire growth of the other tribes and in turn the country as a whole. The reality of my country at the moment has come to a point where it can be declared that the government has failed and isn’t functioning as a stable body. In a country where everyone gets equal education and human rights, how can a certain group of tribes be declared as a higher class of citizens compared to the other tribal groups. A country that has made its fortune off every tribal sector of the country, chooses to treat a particular set of people more special than the others, chooses to be more attentive to a particular group of tribe and leaving the others helpless and in a state of confusion. This act has in turn led to tribal wars, economic crimes and emancipation of citizens from their motherland in search of greener pastures overseas or abroad. My government gives off the impression of a successful financial economy and country but the reality is it’s all a facade and slowly crumbling down.
My
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government
and my reality, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from a
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country
Nigeria, a state called Delta and the
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tribe
of
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Urhobo
.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
My
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country
is ruled
by the federal
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government
, a body of leaders who have been
intentionally
selected from a specific
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group
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tribes
.
Majorly
the Yoruba and the Hausa
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tribe
, they have the highest number of leaders in the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
government and
they
basically
decide on most of the general decisions concerning the entire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
like Nigeria with its large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tribes
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tribes
in decisive power and position, it affects the entire growth of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tribes
and in turn the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
as a whole. The reality of my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
at the moment has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to a point where it can
be declared
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
has failed and isn’t functioning as a stable body. In a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
where everyone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
equal education and human rights, how can a certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tribes
be declared
as a higher
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
of citizens compared to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
tribal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
that has made its fortune off every tribal sector of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, chooses to treat a particular set of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
more special than the others, chooses to be more attentive to a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tribe
and leaving the others helpless and in a state of confusion. This act has in turn led to tribal wars, economic crimes and emancipation of citizens from their motherland in search of greener pastures overseas or abroad. My
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
gives off the impression of a successful financial economy and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the reality is
Did you mean "its" (possessive pronoun)?
it’s
all a facade and
slowly
crumbling down.
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IELTS essay My Government and My Reality

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
273 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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