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Some people believe that for the young ones, their formal educators have more bearing on their wisdom and interpersonal skills than families, while others argue that parental guidance plays an important role. I agree with the latter view.

Some people believe that for the young ones, their formal educators have more bearing on their wisdom and interpersonal skills than families, while others argue that parental guidance plays an important role. I agree with the latter view. 7pQOb
The argument that school teachers have more influence on their brightness and social behaviors than parents may be valid. First of all, students spend most of their time at school. Hence, teachers have more opportunities to develop the intelligence and social skills of students. For example, studying Math lessons will help students increase their capacity for quick thinking and better memorization. Without profound expertise in these are, parents can’t teach them to develop their children’s brilliance. Students spend most of the time there at school, hence they can have good behavior as well as social skills through imitation school teachers. Although formal educators have lots of effects on intellect and social behaviors to students, I am convinced that there is no less influence made by parents. Despite the fact that parents have less time for children than teachers, it is also more meaningful. This is because parents can develop wisdom by preparing meals. They can provide types of food that have many vitamin E, vitamin C. . to increase the intelligence of brains. Moreover, fathers and mothers also impact the interpersonal skills of offspring, they have a more meaningful time to concentrate on interacting with children than teachers. Because teachers only can care for a few students. In conclusion, both school teachers and parents also play a significant role in shaping the brightness and social intelligence of students.
The argument that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
have more influence on their brightness and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
behaviors than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
may be valid.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
spend most of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
have more opportunities to develop the intelligence and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
For example
, studying Math lessons will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
increase their capacity for quick thinking and better memorization. Without profound expertise in these are,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can’t teach them to develop their children’s brilliance.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
spend most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
there at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
,
hence
they can have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
behavior
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
through imitation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
teachers.

Although formal educators have lots of effects on intellect and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
behaviors to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, I
am convinced
that there is no less influence made by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. Despite the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for children than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
, it is
also
more meaningful. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can develop wisdom by preparing meals. They can provide types of food that have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
vitamin E, vitamin C.
Two consecutive dots
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
to
increase the intelligence of brains.
Moreover
, fathers and mothers
also
impact the interpersonal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
of offspring, they have a more meaningful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to concentrate on interacting with children than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can care for a few students.

In conclusion
, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
also
play a significant role in shaping the brightness and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
intelligence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that for the young ones, their formal educators have more bearing on their wisdom and interpersonal skills than families, while others argue that parental guidance plays an important role. I agree with the latter view.

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
228 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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