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some people believe that for school children, their teachers have more influence on their intelligence and social development than parents

some people believe that for school children, their teachers have more influence on their intelligence and social development than parents LbPxG
It is believed that teachers can help children advance their cleverness and communal skills than parents do, whereas some people argue that parents are also essential for children’s comprehensive development. I share the same opinion with the first view. On the one hand, parents play a key role in students’ life. They are the person who observe and take care of children on a daily basis, therefore they become the closest relatives. As a result, children could confide to them in an aboveboard way if they have trouble with their disciplines or relationships at school. Parents also facilitate for children to have the most suitable education so that their performance at school would be nice as they expect. On the other hand, teachers also have a strong influence on children. They provide knowledge and experience for pupils. In this way, students not only could enhance their level of understanding but also have the ability to think logically, which is very favourable for brain development. Moreover, educational institutions usually create some useful and interesting movements. For example, in VietNam, on the occasion of Teachers’ day, schools usually organize the “hoa diem tot” movement to encourage pupils to get good marks as much as possible. It is clear that if children join in some action like that, they become more ebullient and confident to express themselves. Besides, teachers always recommend students to take part in some team activities so that their communication skills and collaborative skills can be better. In summary, there is no doubt that parents have many positive effects on children’s development, but teachers’ role shouldn’t be ignored, because they contribute much to children’s development.
It
is believed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
advance their cleverness and communal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
do, whereas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are
also
essential for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
comprehensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
. I share the same opinion with the
first
view.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
play a key role in students’ life. They are the person who observe and take care of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
on a daily basis,
therefore
they become the closest relatives.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
could confide to them
Consider replacing "in an aboveboard way" with the adverb for "aboveboard"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an aboveboard way
if they have trouble with their disciplines or relationships at school.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
also
facilitate for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to have the most suitable education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that their performance at school would be nice as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
also
have a strong influence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. They provide knowledge and experience for pupils. In this way, students not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
could enhance their level of understanding
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
have the ability to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
logically
, which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
for brain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
.
Moreover
, educational institutions
usually
create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
useful and interesting movements.
For example
, in
Possible spelling mistake found.
VietNam
, on the occasion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Teachers’
day, schools
usually
organize the “
Possible spelling mistake found.
hoa
Possible spelling mistake found.
diem
tot” movement to encourage pupils to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
marks as much as possible. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Did you mean "actions"?
action
like that, they become more ebullient and confident to express themselves.
Besides
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
always recommend students to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
team activities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that their communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and collaborative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
can be better.

In summary, there is no doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers’
role shouldn’t be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they contribute much to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
.
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IELTS essay some people believe that for school children, their teachers have more influence on their intelligence and social development than parents

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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