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Some people believe that computers have improved our lives. Others think that computers have caused a variety of problems. Which do you prefer? Please give your opinion and include specific examples and details. v.1

Some people believe that computers have improved our lives. Others think that computers have caused a variety of problems. Which do you prefer? Please give your opinion and include specific examples and details. v. 1
People hold different views for sending toddlers to play schools prior to joining primary schools. While young ones can be better looked after by family members in their formative years, Joining kindergartens, in my opinion, will be more beneficial as they teach young children basic skills, such as alphabets and counting and adhering to proper time tables. Some people believe children should not be sent to nursery schools as the care received from parents is incomparable. Children are more likely to eat healthy food and play with their siblings, if they remain at homes under the guidance of their family members. As a result, they will develop a sense of attachment with their parents and siblings. By eating healthy food, for instance, young ones could stay away from health problems, such as undernourishment. Therefore, few people consider keeping toddlers at homes advantageous instead of sending them to playschools. Sending preschool children to kindergartens, however, can be more fruitful instead of keeping them at homes only. One of the prime benefits could be learning of basic skills such as writing and identifying alphabets and numerals. Such activities may help children to develop their understanding which would, further, aid them in primary and secondary schools. Another advantage of attending playschools is to develop a habit of following proper schedule for eating and playing. Consequently, students learn to complete their tasks in stipulated time that might help them in their day to day activities. In conclusion, although young children receive better care while staying with their family members, in my view, learning elementary skills and following proper time tables by attending kindergartens, is far more advantageous as it will assist young ones in their future.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
hold
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views for sending toddlers to play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
prior to joining primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
. While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
can be better looked after by family members in their formative years, Joining kindergartens, in my opinion, will be more beneficial as they teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
basic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, such as alphabets and counting and adhering to proper time tables.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to nursery
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
as the care received from parents is incomparable.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are more likely to eat healthy food and play with their siblings, if they remain at homes under the guidance of their family members.
As a result
, they will develop a sense of attachment with their parents and siblings. By eating healthy food,
for instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
could stay away from health problems, such as undernourishment.
Therefore
, few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
consider keeping toddlers at homes advantageous
instead
of sending them to playschools.

Sending preschool
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to kindergartens,
however
, can be more fruitful
instead
of keeping them at homes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
. One of the prime benefits could be learning of basic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
such as writing and identifying alphabets and numerals. Such activities may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to develop their understanding which would,
further
, aid them in primary and secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
. Another advantage of attending playschools is to develop a habit of following proper schedule for eating and playing.
Consequently
, students learn to complete their tasks in stipulated time that might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in their
It appears that two hyphens are missing.
day to day
activities.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
receive better care while staying with their family members, in my view, learning elementary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and following proper time tables by attending kindergartens, is far more advantageous as it will assist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
in their future.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that computers have improved our lives. Others think that computers have caused a variety of problems. Which do you prefer? Please give your opinion and include specific examples and details. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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