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Some people believe that children’s free time should be spent on educational activities only, or it would be completely wasted. to what extent do you agree with the view expressed?

Some people believe that children’s free time should be spent on educational activities only, or it would be completely wasted. BLpx5
Different beliefs exist about how kids are supposed to spend their free time. many adults tend to think this time should be spent solely on activities regarding education. I do not entirely agree with this perspective. Although it is indeed beneficial for children to spend their time on pursuing different educational purposes, they might eventually get isolated if this amount of time surpasses its limit. For instance, a kid that is used to studying all day has so little time and energy to spend with his peers. and as he grows with this pattern, avoiding people becomes a habit for him; Hence, he most likely will not learn the social abilities he could have, had he spent more time in social groups. Having spent one’s time exclusively on education, a child is bound to get at least a little tired. And when he gets to rest for a while, he might feel extremely unproductive since taking a break from studying or spending a normal amount of time on education is not what he’s used to. The thought of being underwhelming can result in a kid projecting this feeling onto the people around him. In brief, I hold the view that even though education is advantageous to a child’s future, it should not be the only thing one dedicates their free time to. In fact, learning other abilities such as socializing is just as crucial.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Different
beliefs exist about how kids
are supposed
to spend their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
many
adults tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
should
be spent
solely
on activities regarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. I do not
entirely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this perspective.

Although it is
indeed
beneficial for children to spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on pursuing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
educational purposes, they might
eventually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
isolated if this amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
surpasses its limit.
For instance
, a kid
that is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to studying all day has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and energy to spend with his peers.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
and
as he grows with this pattern, avoiding
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
becomes a habit for him;
Hence
, he most likely will not learn the social abilities he could have, had he spent more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in social groups.

Having spent one’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
exclusively on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, a child
is bound
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
at least a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
tired. And when he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
to rest for a while, he might feel
extremely
unproductive since taking a break from studying or spending a normal amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is not what he’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
of being underwhelming can result in a kid projecting this feeling onto the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
around him.

In brief
, I hold the view that
even though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is advantageous to a child’s future, it should not be the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
thing one dedicates their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to. In fact, learning other abilities such as socializing is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
as crucial.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that children’s free time should be spent on educational activities only, or it would be completely wasted.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
234 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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