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Courses in music and art should be made compulsory in high school do you agree or disagree?

Courses in music and art should be made compulsory in high school wMkgd
Music as well as art is considered to be an universal language. Though having such courses have a great impact on ones emotional intelligence I completely disagree with the notion to make these subjects mandatory for high school students as it seems irrational. To elaborate, teenagers have a lot on their plate. They are already succumbed with a lot of the academic studies because of the ever growing nip and tuck competition in the society. Adding music and art in their curriculum would surely act as a stress reliever but would also consume a lot of energy which they could manifest in order to achieve a higher grade. Moreover, majority of the students already have a clear mindset on what they want to achieve and thus adding these subjects would distract them and make their lives a tad bit confusing. Furthermore, no subject should be made compulsary specially those which require the use of immense imagination like music and art. The patterns and techniques could be learnt but the final product should come naturally and by heart which would not be the case if such subjects are made mandatory. Adding these courses and making them compulsory would be a threatening issue as it would only increase competition. For instance, students would feel more comply to achieve better marks in music and art to be a step ahead from their peers which would ascertain more pressure and stress. However having music and art in an early stage of students life would surely be benevolent as it would help to improve imaginations but to make it compulsery in high school would impose crisis on these juveniles. Thus to recapitulate I completely disagree with the notion as the drawbacks of making music and arts compulsary are too dire to ignore.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is considered
to be
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
universal language. Though having such courses have a great impact on ones emotional intelligence I completely disagree with the notion to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
mandatory for high school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
as it seems irrational. To elaborate,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
have a lot on their plate. They are already succumbed with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
the academic studies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the ever growing nip and tuck competition in the society. Adding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
in their curriculum would
surely
act as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
reliever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
would
also
consume
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
energy which they could manifest in order to achieve a higher grade.
Moreover
,
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
already have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
mindset on what they want to achieve and
thus
adding these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
would distract them and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
a tad bit confusing.
Furthermore
, no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
should
be made
Possible spelling mistake found.
compulsary
specially
those which require the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of immense imagination like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
. The patterns and techniques could be
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the final product should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
naturally
and by heart which would not be the case if such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are made
mandatory. Adding these courses and making them compulsory would be a threatening issue as it would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
increase competition.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
would feel more comply to achieve better marks in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
to be a step ahead from their peers which would ascertain more pressure and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
in an early stage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
life would
surely
be benevolent as it would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
imaginations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it
Possible spelling mistake found.
compulsery
in high school would impose crisis on these juveniles.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
to recapitulate I completely disagree with the notion as the drawbacks of making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
Possible spelling mistake found.
compulsary
are too dire to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
.
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IELTS essay Courses in music and art should be made compulsory in high school

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
297 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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