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Some people believe that children will have a bright future if they are always rewarded by their parents and teachers when they behave well. However, other people argue that if the children misbehave, they should receive punishment so that they can become qualified citizens. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

Some people believe that children will have a bright future if they are always rewarded by their parents and teachers when they behave well. However, other people argue that if the children misbehave, they should receive punishment so that they can become qualified citizens. v. 2
Offspring are brittle and need proper breeding methods to make them a good member of the society. Certain masses think that when a juvenile behave in a good manners, then they should deserve to be appreciated for their excellent future. While, in other word, some individuals argue that children should be penalized for their miserable manners to make them a useful civilian of the nation. This essay will strongly support the both views because of the various benefits of doing so to offspring. One the one hand, the prime benefits is that Child feels positive and encouraged when they receives a good feedback for their good works or behave. This allows them to attempt a good thing for their rest of life as being juvenile, everybody likes to be appreciated. Moreover, Rewards boost their energy level for doing work and build passion in them. As a result, offspring can be excellent and finally able to achieve their life goals. For example, Children aids community department survey revealed that 80 of children brought up as a kind and helpful human after being appreciated by their parent or teacher. On the other side, Juvenile will restrict their wrongdoing in the future after being punished for it. Because punishment makes them think twice before committing awful manners reminds them consequence of attempting it in the future. For instance, an Indian child department interviewed a 100 parents and 70 % of parents said that their adolescence are being afraid doing bad things after obtaining the punishment. However, penalties should not be too harsh for little children as it leaves marks on their mind for the rest of their life. In conclusion, Rewards and punishments both indeed help children to grow as valuable person in the society. But, parent or mentors should be aware of their limitations and restrictions to give feedback and penalties
Offspring are brittle and need proper breeding methods to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
member of the society. Certain masses
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that when a juvenile behave in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "manner"?
manners
, then they should deserve to
be appreciated
for their excellent future. While, in other word,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be penalized
for their miserable manners to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them a useful civilian of the nation. This essay will
strongly
support the both views
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the various benefits of doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
to offspring.

Did you mean "on"?
One
the one hand, the prime benefits is that Child feels
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and encouraged when they
The pronoun 'they' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "receive"
receives
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
feedback for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
works or behave. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to attempt a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
thing for their rest of life as being juvenile, everybody likes to
be appreciated
.
Moreover
, Rewards boost their energy level for doing work and build passion in them.
As a result
, offspring can be excellent and
finally
able to achieve their life goals.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
aids community department survey revealed that 80 of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
brought up as a kind and helpful human after
being appreciated
by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
or teacher.

On the other side, Juvenile will restrict their wrongdoing in the future after
being punished
for it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
punishment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
twice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
committing awful manners reminds them consequence of attempting it in the future.
For instance
, an Indian child department interviewed a 100
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and 70 % of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
said that their adolescence are being afraid doing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
things after obtaining the punishment.
However
, penalties should not be too harsh for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
marks on their mind for the rest of their life.

In conclusion
, Rewards and punishments both
indeed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to grow as valuable person in the society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
or mentors should be aware of their limitations and restrictions to give feedback and penalties
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that children will have a bright future if they are always rewarded by their parents and teachers when they behave well. However, other people argue that if the children misbehave, they should receive punishment so that they can become qualified citizens. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
308 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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