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Some people believe that children time outside of school should be filled with scheduled activities such as art and music classes and sports. other feel that children need free time to play and relax. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people believe that children time outside of school should be filled with scheduled activities such as art and music classes and sports. other feel that children need free time to play and relax. EllDR
Well, since the children should learn the activities such as art, music classes, and sports. The responsibilities for such activities must provide by the school, as children outside school, deserve to have their relax period and their own playtime. I believe to live on this opinion. Schools must be able to provide such facilities outside their class work activity. For example, half an hour a day to hold one activity would not harm anything to school, if they could. The children might enjoy classwork more, and feel more motivated going to school for participating in extracurricular activities such as arts, music, sports, and gymnastics. If the schools could not maintain their timetable for significant activities, then they could plan to hold one extra day of school only to schedule these activities on the day 1hour each between all these activities could become beneficial for the growth of child. After a tiring day of school, children is forced to get a limited time for themselves to relax for few hours, then to have some quality time with their families or playing. The schools also provide homework to students, so if the student spends his time to learn different activities then he might not have enough time to work on their homework, or to have fun with their families. In general, my opinion regards such that the schools should provide the children with these activities Instead of asking them to perform them outside of schools. Otherwise the child would not be motivated with his mind diverge on different things and he may not enjoy his schools time, which is also contrary to their time spent outside schools.
Well, since the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should learn the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
such as art, music classes, and sports. The responsibilities for such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, deserve to have their relax period and their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
playtime. I believe to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
on this opinion.

Schools
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be able to
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provide
such facilities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
.
For example
, half an hour a day to hold one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
would not harm anything to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, if they could. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
might enjoy classwork more, and feel more motivated going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
for participating in extracurricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
such as arts, music, sports, and gymnastics.

If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
could not maintain their timetable for significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, then they could plan to hold one extra day of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to schedule these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
on the day 1hour each between all these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
could become beneficial for the growth of child.

After a tiring day of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is forced
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a limited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for themselves to relax for few hours, then to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their families or playing. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
homework to students,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
if the student spends his
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time
to learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
then he might not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to work on their homework, or to have fun with their families.

In general
, my opinion regards such that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
Instead
of asking them to perform them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Otherwise
the child would not
be motivated
with his mind diverge on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
things and
he may not enjoy his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, which is
also
contrary to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
spent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that children time outside of school should be filled with scheduled activities such as art and music classes and sports. other feel that children need free time to play and relax.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
275 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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