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Some people believe that children should study all subjects at school, while others think they should only study subjects they are good at or find interesting. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people believe that children should study all subjects at school, while others think they should only study subjects they are good at or find interesting. v. 1
School is the most important enhancement to the society of human beings which has not only provided a ground to produce great intellectuals but also better learned people. It has become the temple where our young juniors can be given an exposure to various subjects, like history, geography, science and language. However, few people believe that the pupils should be taught only those subjects in which they are actually interested while others, on the contrary, support the whole curriculum. Firstly, delving into the views of the former having an opinion that, the wisdom of the children shall be shaped in a more progressive way if they are allowed to focus on the subject by which they are more fascinated, has been proved quite accurate several times in the past. For example, scientists like Robert Brown, Rutherford or Edison would have been asked to study geography and language, then they may have not turned up as great as they are today. Similarly, if Cristiano Ronaldo would have been pushed to read more and play less, then the world would have never been able to witness such a great scorer in the history of football. Secondly, on the other hand, no one can deny the fact that, teaching parts of every subject to the juveniles, enlighten them to understand the world and its proceedings in a more mature form. One way or the other, each of the subjects has something to offer and by this way the younger generation can become more robust to errors to penetrate through. Having said that, and as an example, the leaders of our country can't run the nation in a better style if they will have no idea about the past of their motherland. They may commit the same mistakes as done by their predecessors in the past. Nonetheless, they will never be able to lead their fellow countrymen on the right path. Therefore, in conclusion, I personally believe that, the young minds should always be taught a part of every subject. Eventually, this will render a huge help to them for making a more precise cognitive approach in all aspects of their life. But, in addendum, they should always be given more time and space for the subjects they are really interested in. This will not only give them a chance to make a better understanding about the course but also provide them an edge over other average mass.
School is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
enhancement to the society of human beings which has not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
provided a ground to produce great intellectuals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
better learned
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. It has become the temple where our young juniors can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
an exposure to various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, like history, geography, science and language.
However
, few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that the pupils should
be taught
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
in which they are actually interested while others,
on the contrary
, support the whole curriculum.

Firstly
, delving into the views of the former having an opinion that, the wisdom of the children shall
be shaped
in a more progressive way if they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to focus on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
by which they are more fascinated, has
been proved
quite accurate several times in the past.
For example
, scientists like Robert Brown, Rutherford or Edison would have
been asked
to study geography and language, then they may have not turned up as great as they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
.
Similarly
, if Cristiano Ronaldo would have
been pushed
to read more and play less, then the world would have never been able to witness such a great scorer in the history of football.

Secondly
, on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, no one can deny the fact that, teaching parts of every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
to the juveniles, enlighten them to understand the world and its proceedings in a more mature form. One way or the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
, each of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
has something to offer and by this way the younger generation can become more robust to errors to penetrate through. Having said that, and as an example, the leaders of our country can't run the nation in a better style if they will have no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
about the past of their motherland. They may commit the same mistakes as done by their predecessors in the past. Nonetheless, they will never be able to lead their fellow countrymen on the right path.

Therefore
,
in conclusion
, I
personally
believe that, the young minds should always
be taught
a part of every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
.
Eventually
, this will render a huge
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to them for making a more precise cognitive approach in all aspects of their life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, in addendum, they should always be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
more time and space for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
they are
really
interested in. This will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
give them a chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a better understanding about the course
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
provide them an edge over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
average mass.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that children should study all subjects at school, while others think they should only study subjects they are good at or find interesting. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
404 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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