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Some people think that teenagers should focus on all school subjects while others believe they should just concentrate on the subjects that they are better at or they find the most interesting. what is your opinion? v.2

Some people think that teenagers should focus on all school subjects while others believe they should just concentrate on the subjects that they are better at or they find the most interesting. what is your opinion? v. 2
Nowadays there is an ongoing debate between people that student should should focus in all school subject to gain knowledge about different innovations of the modern world. However, some argue that students should get chance to learn according to their interest. This essay will discuss both views and provide a valuable opinion. Some people nowadays adore the ideology that student should learn all the school subjects to gain knowledge about different innovations and technology which are important in this modern era and the school contains subjects like history and litrecture which help student to learn about glory, custom and tradition of their particular country. To illustrate clearly, the survey conducted by nepal in 1991 has told that Nepalese people has reflected the great art by lord gautam buddha, which is famous all over the world and it has also recorded in the worlds book. Additionally, it can be significant for student to do according to their interest. Student can do better if they get chance to do in what they are most interested. If the pupils are interested on music then they can do a lot in that field also their is a great demand of musicians in the world. Their is an example of great lady sakira who is from the small town of uk and she has now made her country so proud by her songs and dance. Moreover, it can be a great conflict for pupils if they can' t do what they want and some also can be a victim of heart diseases and some may also attempt suside. To conclude, i believe that it is necessary for students to learn all the school subject to get information about what is happening in the country. However, i also think that they should get chance to do according to their interest for their satisfaction and also to show their talent to the world.
Nowadays there is an ongoing debate between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
Possible typo: you repeated a word
should should
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "focus".
focus in
all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
to gain knowledge about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
innovations of the modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
chance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
according to their interest. This essay will discuss both views and provide a valuable opinion.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
nowadays adore the ideology that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
to gain knowledge about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
innovations and technology which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in this modern era and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
contains
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
like history and
Possible spelling mistake found.
litrecture
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
about glory, custom and tradition of their particular country. To illustrate
clearly
, the survey conducted by
Possible spelling mistake found.
nepal
in 1991 has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
that Nepalese
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
has
reflected the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
art by lord
Possible spelling mistake found.
gautam
Possible spelling mistake found.
buddha
, which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
all over the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
and it has
also
recorded in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
worlds
book.

Additionally
, it can be significant for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
to do according to their interest.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Student
can do better if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
chance to do in what they are most interested. If the pupils
are interested
on music then they can do a lot in that field
also
Did you mean "there"?
their
is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
demand of musicians in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
.
Did you mean "there"?
Their
is an example of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
lady
Possible spelling mistake found.
sakira
who is from the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
town of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
uk and
she has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
made her country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
proud by her songs and dance.
Moreover
, it can be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
conflict for pupils if they
Possible spelling mistake found.
can&
#039; t do what they want and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
also
can be a victim of heart diseases and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
may
also
attempt
Possible spelling mistake found.
suside
.

To conclude
,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
believe that it is necessary for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
information about what is happening in the country.
However
,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
chance to do according to their interest for their satisfaction and
also
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their talent to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that teenagers should focus on all school subjects while others believe they should just concentrate on the subjects that they are better at or they find the most interesting. what is your opinion? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
316 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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