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One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v.14

One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v. 14
Modern medical facilities and research in the healthcare sector have brought miracles to the world. We have cures for deadly diseases and researchers are working with our genes to prevent diseases even before we are born- marvellous indeed. As a result, people these days live longer. This as an alarming trend according to some while I firmly believe that longer life expectancy offers far many advantages than demerits. Many people opine that increasing life expectancy increases the ratio of the older population and shrink the active workforce. Thus they believe supporting the older generation is a burden for the country. But, this opinion is misguided and not backed by facts. With an increasing life expectancy, people these days remain more active and contribute to society even in their old age. As the government has raised the retirement age, older people are no longer a burden, rather an active workforce. To cite an example, professors, researchers, lawmakers, writers and many other professionals have vast experience and could contribute even more in their respective fields in their later years. Thus, when a physicist discovers a groundbreaking theory in his or her 70s, we should thank the enhanced medical research and treatment. Finally, as the number of working parents is heightening, grandparents are the last hope for young children. Older people are doing us a favour by taking most of our family burdens. Besides, people who we consider no longer useful to the society due to their age, have gifted us the world we live in today with their hard work, tax money and love. To conclude, thanks to the enhanced medical facilities due to which we now live longer and be part of the progress. This enhanced life expectancy is a blessing for the human race
Modern medical facilities and research in the healthcare sector have brought miracles to the world. We have cures for deadly diseases and researchers are working with our genes to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
diseases even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
we
are born
-
Possible spelling mistake. 'marvellous' is British English.
marvellous
indeed
.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
these days
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
. This as an alarming trend according to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
while I
firmly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy offers far
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages than demerits.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
opine that increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy increases the ratio of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
population and shrink the active workforce.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
they believe supporting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
generation is a burden for the country.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, this opinion
is misguided
and not backed by facts. With an increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
these days remain more active and contribute to society even in their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
age. As the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
has raised the retirement age,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
a burden,
rather
an active workforce. To cite an example, professors, researchers, lawmakers, writers and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other professionals have vast experience and could contribute even more in their respective fields in their later years.
Thus
, when a physicist discovers a groundbreaking theory in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
70s, we should thank the enhanced medical research and treatment.

Finally
, as the number of working parents is heightening, grandparents are the last hope for young children.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are doing us a
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
by taking most of our family burdens.
Besides
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who we consider no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
useful to the society due to their age, have gifted us the world we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work, tax money and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
.

To conclude
, thanks to the enhanced medical facilities due to which we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
and be part of the progress. This enhanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy is a blessing for the human
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
race
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v. 14

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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