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It is difficult for people in the cities to get enough physical exercise. What are the causes and solution? v.1

It is difficult for people in the cities to get enough physical exercise. What are the causes and solution? v. 1
These days, it is true that in urban centres people do not exercise adequately. There are several reasons behind this unhealthy development. Fortunately, there are several solutions too. To begin with, there are different reasons why people in urban areas do not exercise enough. The first reason is that there are not many designated areas for exercising in cities. This is because nowadays cities are overcrowded and do not have enough land to accommodate the increasing number of people who migrate to them. For example, in 2008, the Sudanese government began to build new apartment blocks in public spaces that were earlier used as exercising areas. As a result, people now struggle to find places where they can exercise. Furthermore, people who live in cities are now busier than in the past. They work very hard to make a living for themselves and their families. In other words, space constraints and time constraints are the main reasons that discourage urban dwellers from getting enough exercise. Fortunately, there are several ways to tackle this issue. First of all, the government should provide free facilities where people can exercise. This will definitely encourage more people to get physically active. The government also needs to create awareness about the importance of staying physically active. They can rope in respected public personalities to drive home the message that regular exercise improves health and longevity. To sum up, it is evident that lack of public spaces and the busy lifestyle of urban people are the reasons for them not getting enough exercise. However, building exercising facilities and teaching people about the importance of exercising can solve this problem
These days, it is true that in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
adequately
. There are several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
behind this unhealthy development.
Fortunately
, there are several solutions too.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
areas do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enough
. The
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that there are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
designated areas for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercising
in cities. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
nowadays cities
are overcrowded
and do not have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enough
land to accommodate the increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who migrate to them.
For example
, in 2008, the Sudanese
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
began to build new apartment blocks in public spaces that were earlier
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercising
areas.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
struggle to find places where they can exercise.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in cities are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
busier than in the past. They work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a living for themselves and their families.
In other words
, space constraints and time constraints are the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
that discourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
dwellers from getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enough
exercise.

Fortunately
, there are several ways to tackle this issue.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should provide free facilities where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
. This will definitely encourage more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
physically
active. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
also
needs to create awareness about the importance of staying
physically
active. They can rope in respected public personalities to drive home the message that regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
health and longevity.

To sum up, it is evident that lack of public spaces and the busy lifestyle of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
for them not getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
.
However
, building
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercising
facilities and teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercising
can solve this problem
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay It is difficult for people in the cities to get enough physical exercise. What are the causes and solution? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
272 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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