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Some people believe that children should not rely upon technology more than the books and others believe that reading books is not as important as using technology.Discuss for two views.

Some people believe that children should not rely upon technology more than the books and others believe that reading books is not as important as using technology. Discuss for two views. BMLVw
Today, juveniles prefer utilizing the modern technology to reading the valuable books. These issues were bestirred to occur since the website, the Internet and especially, the Facebook commenced to play the deceitful role among adolescents. Books are apt to be bought more and more, nevertheless, technology can be acquired if we have a tiny phone and oodles of books lie inside it. Then, not a soul can deny that technology is the grandfather of literature. However fascinated the new ones are, we will reach the old station to manufacture the rare resources. In the first of these, searching what we want to wander is so stylish that there is no need to waste our time. A second and a minute perform the whole task and a wide range of acknowledge from thousands fields ought to be hugged. The books' sizes talk and compared to the phone size, a commodity which is full of oodles of informations, falls the millions of hearts. One thing which makes us dolorous is that the children, who are not innocent or mature, take technology as an appurtenance for playing computer games and watching the movies that are allergic to our cultures or sometimes, our morality. Never do the books dance and not only our interesting mind is lost diametrically upon the books but our parasitism upon them also fades ridiculously. There is one more perspective I feel I have to touch on. Some sort of persons have a superstition that technology knowledge is a grain in a pot when it stands straight beside the books' charity. Of course, we cannot have the banquet of the beautiful languages and usages. Phones gift only the minimized space of sophistication and experience. Suffering from the eyes disorders, we will always follow the accessible way. Curiosity is rusted without having the reading lifestyle. Digging the knowledge deeply into the soil of literature needs hard work done but raises efficiency. Being admonished to posses the reading habit is essential, notwithstanding, always it cannot be possible. Training to concentrate only on technology's advantages and limiting the hours, will we never be addicted. Technology's pros should be intensified in ours and researching the charity of literature would be immortal.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, juveniles prefer utilizing the modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
to reading the valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
. These issues
were bestirred
to occur since the website, the Internet and
especially
, the Facebook commenced to play the deceitful role among adolescents.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Books
are apt to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
more and more,
nevertheless
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
can
be acquired
if we have a tiny phone and oodles of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
lie inside it. Then, not a soul can deny that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is the grandfather of literature.
However
fascinated the new ones are, we will reach the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
station to manufacture the rare resources.

In the
first
of these, searching what we want to wander is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
stylish that there is no need to waste our time. A second and a minute perform the whole task and a wide range of acknowledge from thousands fields ought to
be hugged
. The books' sizes talk and compared to the phone size, a commodity which is full of oodles of
The word 'informations' is a legal term. In standard English, the word 'information' is a non-count noun. Did you mean "information"?
informations
, falls the millions of hearts. One thing which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
us dolorous is that the children, who are not innocent or mature, take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
as an appurtenance for playing computer games and watching the movies that are allergic to our cultures or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
, our morality. Never do the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
dance and not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
our interesting mind
is lost
diametrically
upon the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
our parasitism upon them
also
fades
ridiculously
.

There is one more perspective I feel I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
touch on.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
sort of persons
Possible agreement error
have
a superstition that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
knowledge is a grain in a pot when it stands straight beside the books' charity.
Of course
, we cannot have the banquet of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
languages and usages. Phones gift
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the minimized space of sophistication and experience. Suffering from the eyes disorders, we will always follow the accessible way. Curiosity
is rusted
without having the reading lifestyle.

Digging the knowledge
deeply
into the soil of literature needs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work done
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
raises efficiency.
Being admonished
to posses the reading habit is essential, notwithstanding, always it cannot be possible. Training
Did you mean "concentrating"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'train' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to concentrate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on technology's advantages and limiting the hours, will we never
be addicted
. Technology's pros should
be intensified
in ours and researching the charity of literature would be immortal.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that children should not rely upon technology more than the books and others believe that reading books is not as important as using technology. Discuss for two views.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
367 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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