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Some people believe that children should be taught collaboration at school while others believe that competition should be taught

Some people believe that children should be taught collaboration at school while others believe that competition should be taught G3Mqo
Some people argue that children ought to be taught cooperation at school while others oppose the idea and tend to believe that rivalry ought to be taught. I personally corroborate the assertion that competition has much more effect on children’s studies, and it is much more beneficial for their future lives. On the one hand, it is claimed that collaboration helps children to make good relationships with their friends, and it plays an increasingly pivotal role in their studies as well. Who is able to collaborate with his groupmates and schoolmates, that person can be much more successful in his studies because they can help and teach each other. At that time, lessons seem more attractive and interesting to them. In the end, they are becoming more enthusiastic and responsible for their lesson. Moreover, collaboration has effects on their future lives, while they are working because each of them will grow up as a person who is able to collaborate. In the end, they would be able to work with others and share their place with them. On the other hand, I agree that cooperation does more good than harm in children’s lives due to several facts. First of all, because of cooperation, students, who are reluctant to study, start to work hard in order to be able to compete with his or her groupmates in a good way. Moreover, this is a way that makes lessons much more enjoyable and effective. Additionally, with the help of cooperation, all children become more social and active. Not only during their childhood but also being able to cooperate will help them in their adult years. For instance, they will fight tooth and nail in order to become in their careers such us competing with other companies. In conclusion, although these two opposing viewpoints both have merit, while there is some truth to the argument that collaboration helps to be able to share and work together, there is also a need to understand that cooperation makes a person much more successful and competitive.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
ought to
be taught
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cooperation
at school while others oppose the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
and tend to believe that rivalry ought to
be taught
. I
personally
corroborate the assertion that competition has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
more effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
, and it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
more beneficial for their future
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

On the one hand, it
is claimed
that collaboration
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
relationships with their friends, and it plays an
increasingly
pivotal role in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
as well
. Who is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to collaborate with his
Possible spelling mistake found.
groupmates
and schoolmates, that person can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
more successful in his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
and teach each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
. At that time, lessons seem more attractive and interesting to them. In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, they are becoming more enthusiastic and responsible for their lesson.
Moreover
, collaboration has effects on their future
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, while they are working
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
each of them will grow up as a person who is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to collaborate. In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, they would be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to work with others and share their place with them.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cooperation
does more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
than harm in
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children’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
due to several facts.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cooperation
, students, who are reluctant to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
in order to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to compete with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
Possible spelling mistake found.
groupmates
in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way.
Moreover
, this is a way that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
lessons
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
more enjoyable and effective.
Additionally
, with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
of
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cooperation
, all
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children
become more social and active. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
during their childhood
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to cooperate will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them in their adult years.
For instance
, they will fight tooth and nail in order to become in their careers such us competing with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.

In conclusion
, although these two opposing viewpoints both have merit, while there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
truth to the argument that collaboration
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to share and work together, there is
also
a need to understand that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cooperation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
more successful and competitive.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that children should be taught collaboration at school while others believe that competition should be taught

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
340 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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