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Nowadays some workplace tend to wmploy eqaul men and wonen do yiu think it is positive development

Nowadays some workplace tend to wmploy eqaul men and wonen do yiu think it is positive development lqjPW
In the eyes of law or competitive world, both men and women enjoy equal rights and duty. At in subject of employment also both men and women should equally treated. we can observe this at many workplace that without gender discrimination employer offers job to deserving candidates. This phenomenon is offering multifarious benefits to the workers and societies. However, sometimes a couple of problems emerge due to the same. The ensuing paragraph would elucidate how pros overshadowed cons of this situation. To commence with the first and foremost bright side, earlier before 21st century men tend to work and warn while women prefer to maintain all other household activities, such aa cooking, cleaning, washing etc. However, in modern era, women in societies get equal chance of getting education to having work in government or corporate sector. As a result they became self dependent. Apart from this ladies have more knowledge compare to men in some sectors of cosmetic, salon or tele communication so they can earn for themselves and contribute indescribable role in maintaining house. Secondly, mutual respect amongst men and women will raise on and off the workplace and as a result gender discrimination will mitigate. Pn flip side of the coin, there are several nasty consequences as well. Many times is happens that maintains equal number of gender at workplace sometimes deserving and highly skilled men will get ignored by employer in maintaining reserve quote for women as a result motivation will get down of skilled men to epitome to this scenario in Gujarat, India protest has taken place in removing reserve quota. Last but not least, in surveys it has proven that men are enthusiastic and has more stamina in comparison to women. To conclude with, however, societies and workplace should to eradicate gender discrimination and promote skilled and deserving employees for work.
In the eyes of law or competitive world, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
enjoy equal rights and duty. At in subject of employment
also
both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
should
equally
The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: "treat"
treated
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
we
can observe this at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workplace
that without gender discrimination employer offers job to deserving candidates. This phenomenon is offering multifarious benefits to the workers and societies.
However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
a couple of problems
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "emerges"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'emerge' is not always incorrect.)
emerge
due to the same. The ensuing paragraph would elucidate how pros overshadowed cons of this situation. To commence with the
first
and foremost bright side, earlier
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
21st century
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
tend to work and warn while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
prefer to maintain all other household activities, such
Possible spelling mistake found.
aa
cooking, cleaning, washing etc.
However
, in modern era,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in societies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
equal chance of getting education to having work in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
or corporate sector.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
a result they became self dependent. Apart from
Did you mean "these"?
this
ladies have more knowledge compare to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sectors of cosmetic, salon or
Possible spelling mistake found.
tele
communication
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can earn for themselves and contribute indescribable role in maintaining
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
.
Secondly
, mutual respect amongst
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
will raise on and off the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workplace
and
as a result
gender discrimination will mitigate.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Pn
flip side of the coin, there are several nasty consequences
as well
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
times
You should probably use: "are".
is
happens that maintains equal number of gender at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workplace
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
deserving and
highly
skilled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
by employer in maintaining reserve quote for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
as a result
motivation will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
down of skilled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
to epitome to this scenario in Gujarat, India protest has taken place in removing reserve quota. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, in surveys it has proven that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
are enthusiastic and has more stamina
in comparison
to women.

To conclude
with,
however
, societies and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workplace
should to eradicate gender discrimination and promote skilled and deserving employees for work.
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IELTS essay Nowadays some workplace tend to wmploy eqaul men and wonen do yiu think it is positive development

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
306 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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