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Animal species are becoming extinct as result of human activities on land and in sea .What can been done to solve this problem?

Animal species are becoming extinct as result of human activities on land and in sea. What can been done to solve this problem? kLYmW
I argued that some specias of animals become extinct due to unfavorable human activities. Since 2010, 467 animal species have been declared extinct. The biodiversity crisis is linked to climate problems. But there are other reasons as well, such as overuse of land and water resources. To begin with there are fewer untouched areas of land and sea in their natural habitat, respectively, their inhabitants die. A third of the land is used for agriculture and livestock, additionaly, millions of hectares of rainforest have disappeared in recent decades. It will become obvious why nature is dying out. Society is obliged to do something to solve this problem. Now it is especially important to allocate part of the land and marine areas for reserves, create more national parks and prevent deforestation. Ideally, half of the planet should remain untouched by humans. Environmentalists offer options to address these challenges both globally and locally - everyone can contribute to the conservation of forests and oceans. For example, avoid using plastic, cut down on trash and leave it on the beach. In conclusion, we can say that 90% of animal species died out due to human activity. Also, everyone should understand that these are not permissible actions and it is necessary to start solving these problems in order to prevent the extinction of any other biodiversity.
I argued that
some
specias
of animals become extinct due to unfavorable human activities. Since 2010, 467 animal species have
been declared
extinct. The biodiversity crisis
is linked
to climate problems.
But
there are other reasons
as well
, such as overuse of
land
and water resources.

To
begin
with there are fewer untouched areas of
land
and sea in their natural habitat,
respectively
, their inhabitants
die
. A third of the
land
is
used
for agriculture and livestock,
additionaly
, millions of hectares of rainforest have disappeared in recent decades. It will become obvious why nature is dying out.

Society
is obliged
to do something to solve this problem.

Now
it is
especially
important
to allocate part of the
land
and marine areas for reserves, create more national parks and
prevent
deforestation.
Ideally
, half of the planet should remain untouched by humans. Environmentalists offer options to address these challenges both globally and
locally
-
everyone can contribute to the conservation of forests and oceans.
For example
, avoid using plastic,
cut
down on trash and
leave
it on the beach.

In conclusion
, we can say that 90% of animal species
died
out due to human activity.
Also
, everyone should understand that these are not permissible actions and it is necessary to
start
solving these problems in order to
prevent
the extinction of any other biodiversity.
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IELTS essay Animal species are becoming extinct as result of human activities on land and in sea. What can been done to solve this problem?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
222 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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