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Some people believe that children should be given lessons on how to manage money in the school. Do you agree or disagree? v.6

Some people believe that children should be given lessons on how to manage money in the school. v. 6
Many people think that children should take money management lessons in the classroom. I completely agree with this view and believe that basic skills related to finance plays an important role in the future life of children. Money issues have become an essential part of our life over recent years. Children should be taught how to manage money wisely in an earlier age in schools. Otherwise, those who have never been taught basic money values in elementary or primary school suffer from financial constraints when they become an adult. For example, economy experts say that some adults, which have a lesson which covers finance-related-topics have a knowledge of finance management whereas other lack of ability to manage financial issues. Therefore, the lesson how to handle money should be a necessity in schools. Although the lesson would be very beneficial to pupils, some people may think that the lessons about money issues are not the responsibility of schools. However, it is not a justified claim since children spend most of their time in educational institutions. Moreover, schools can hire certificated experts or teachers which studied Economy. If those experts give money-related-lessons to children, they would have a greater knowledge of money management when they have a student life as a university student, and become an adult or parents. In conclusion, money management had not been an important topic in before consumerism arose in 1990s, but today, children had better acquire the ability of managing money by taking financial responsibility courses in schools. So, they can make logical decisions on finance-related-topics in future.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
management
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
in the classroom.

I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view and believe that basic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
related to finance plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in the future life of children.

Money issues have become an essential part of our life over recent years.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
should
be taught
how to manage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
wisely
in an earlier age in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
Otherwise
, those who have never
been taught
basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
values in elementary or primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
suffer from financial constraints when they become an adult.
For example
, economy experts say that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
adults, which have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lesson
which covers finance-related-topics have a knowledge of finance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
management
whereas other lack of ability to manage financial issues.
Therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lesson
how to handle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
should be a necessity in schools.

Although the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lesson
would be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
beneficial to pupils,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
issues are not the responsibility of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
However
, it is not a justified claim since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend most of their time in educational institutions.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
can hire certificated experts or teachers which studied Economy. If those experts give money-related-lessons to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, they would have a greater knowledge of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
management
when they have a student life as a university student, and become an adult or parents.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
management
had not been an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
topic in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
consumerism arose
The article is probably missing here: "in the 1990s".
in 1990s
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
had better acquire the ability of managing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
by taking financial responsibility courses in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
logical decisions on finance-related-topics
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Speak a new language so that the world will be a new world.
Rumi

IELTS essay Some people believe that children should be given lessons on how to manage money in the school. v. 6

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
261 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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