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In some part of the world, it is becoming popular to research the history of one’s own family. Why might people want to do this? Is it a positive or negative trend? v.1

In some part of the world, it is becoming popular to research the history of one’s own family. Why might people want to do this? Is it a positive or negative trend? v. 1
More often than not, it has become an increasing trend for people exploring their family’s root around most countries in the world. I consider this is because it helps them discover their identity and culture. Moreover, it can also provide useful information about their past that can be beneficial to their present life. To begin with, people whose fore-parents migrated to a foreign land generations ago will most like be curious and anxious to find out about their true identity. Therefore, they make several efforts to carry research into their family background to help them discover where they originate from. Consequently, knowing about their origin helps them understand their culture as well as build their self-worth. For instance, a girl from African origin living in Europe will be intrigued to learn about African food, music and art. This will help build her self-esteem among her peers. In addition, finding out about one family background might lead to knowledge of information that is beneficial in dealing with current life’s circumstances. Some family have traits or diseases that are hereditary, therefore it will be of enormous advantage if such people are aware of these conditions. In other words, a person with a family history of cancer will take necessary precaution to reduce or avoid its occurrence if some of these informations are known, thus, helping them live a healthier and prolonged life. In conclusion, it is advantageous for people to learn more about their historical background, as it helps them identify with their origin. Moreover, they also gain knowledge of traits that are peculiar to their family, which can be beneficial to them in making some life choices.
More
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
than not, it has become an increasing trend for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
exploring their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family’s
root around most countries in the world. I consider this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
them discover their identity and culture.
Moreover
, it can
also
provide useful information about their past that can be beneficial to their present life.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
whose fore-parents migrated to a foreign land
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "generation"?
generations
ago will most like be curious and anxious to find out about their true identity.
Therefore
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
several efforts to carry research into their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
background to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them discover where they originate from.

Consequently
, knowing about their origin
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
them understand their culture
as well
as build their self-worth.
For instance
, a girl from African origin living in Europe will
be intrigued
to learn about African food, music and art. This will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
build her self-esteem among her peers.

In addition
, finding out about one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
background might lead to knowledge of information
that is
beneficial in dealing with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
life’s circumstances.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
have traits or diseases that are hereditary,
therefore
it will be of enormous advantage if such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are aware of these conditions.
In other words
, a person with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
history of cancer will take necessary precaution to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
or avoid its occurrence if
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of these
The word 'informations' is a legal term. In standard English, the word 'information' is a non-count noun. Did you mean "information"?
informations
are known
,
thus
, helping them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a healthier and prolonged life.

In conclusion
, it is advantageous for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to learn more about their historical background, as it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
them identify with their origin.
Moreover
, they
also
gain knowledge of traits that are peculiar to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, which can be beneficial to them in making
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
life choices.
21Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
I love commuting between languages just like I love commuting between cultures and cities.
Elif Safak

IELTS essay In some part of the world, it is becoming popular to research the history of one’s own family. Why might people want to do this? Is it a positive or negative trend? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
276 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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