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some people believe that children should be exposed to computes as early as possible, others think it is better to wait until they are older. What do you think? Should young children be allowed to use computers? Give details and reasons to support your viepoint.

some people believe that children should be exposed to computes as early as possible, others think it is better to wait until they are older. What do you think? Should young children be allowed to use computers? Give details and reasons to support your viepoint. 85D5V
Recently the popularity of the technology has began to rising as more and more people started to use it. But not only the youngsters and adult people use technological achievement such as the computers but also young children. Someone believe that this isn't good for them and others think that there is no problem. First of all, to begin with, if the children are allowed to use computers they will gain extra skills. What I mean is that they will have the opportunity to learn new things beyond multi-tasking and this is very good advantage for them. Also, if they learn how to use it they will have more opportunities to become succesful. To be more specific, in many jobs it is essential the knowledge and computer skills. So this will help them. Additionally, the technology keep changing in a fast way and many people fall behind just because they don't know how to use electronical devices. By letting young children to use a computer we help them so that they can catch up with the nowday technology. Last but not least, by having such knowledge and skills it will be easier for them to become a part of a team in the future. What I mean is that they will not be rejected from a job interview because of their lack of experience in nowdays technological systems. To sum up, the increasing using of computers from young kids had made think about whether is good or bad for them to use electronic devices. In my opinion, I believe that it is good for the children to be in touch with technology but not from a very young age and not for many hours. I think that this will help them in the future because future is changing and it will continue to change.
Recently the popularity of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has
Use past participle here: "begun".
began
to rising as more and more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the youngsters and adult
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
technological achievement such as the computers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Someone
Consider using third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "believes".
believe
that this isn't
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
for them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that there is no problem.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
computers they will gain extra
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. What I mean is that they will have the opportunity to learn new things beyond multi-tasking and this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
advantage for them.
Also
, if they learn how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it they will have more opportunities to become
Possible spelling mistake found.
succesful
. To be more specific, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
jobs it is
Did you mean "essentially"?
essential
the knowledge and computer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them.

Additionally
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
changing in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
way and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
fall behind
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they don't know how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
Possible spelling mistake found.
electronical
devices. By letting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
a computer we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can catch up with the
Possible spelling mistake found.
nowday
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, by having such knowledge and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
it will be easier for them to become a part of a team in the future. What I mean is that they will not
be rejected
from a job interview
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their lack of experience in
Possible spelling mistake found.
nowdays
technological systems.

To sum up, the increasing using of computers from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
kids had made
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about whether is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
electronic devices. In my opinion, I believe that it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to be in touch with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not from a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
age and not for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
hours. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in the future
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
future is changing and it will continue to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
.
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IELTS essay some people believe that children should be exposed to computes as early as possible, others think it is better to wait until they are older. What do you think? Should young children be allowed to use computers? Give details and reasons to support your viepoint.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
304 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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