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Some people believe that children should be allowed to go out for outdoor activities. While others believe that children should stay at home most of the time. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people believe that children should be allowed to go out for outdoor activities. While others believe that children should stay at home most of the time. v. 1
Engaging children in healthy activities to manage their time well is a challenging job for parents. It is often argued by some that children must involve in outdoor activities to boost their confidence. While other claim that for strong family relationships it is essential for children to spend more time indoors at home. However, I believe that a balanced proportion of time needs to be spent in outdoor activities as well as at home with family. This essay will explore both aspects of the argument before discussing my opinion. On the one hand, the supporters of the idea that children must engage in outdoor activities believe that it allows them to become confident Individuals in life. As communications skills of children enhance due to their interaction with various Individuals. For example, Angeline Jolie, a famous Hollywood star, mentioned in her interview to BBC the significance of children’s involvement in outdoor activities to make them more self-sufficient. Hence, it is vital for children to be a part of outdoor activities. While, On the other hand, the advocates of the view that children should spend more time at home think that it helps strengthening their relationship with family. As children spend more time with their parents, understand and bonding with each other. For instance, Steve Jobs in his biography stressed on the fact that for building strong family relationships it is critical for children to spend more time at home. Thus, children must contribute more time at home with family. However, I believe that it is critical for parents to allow children a balanced proportion of time between outdoor activities and at home with family. As it will ensure that children become confident and responsible personnel with lively family relationships. To sum up, although I believe that children can attain separate benefits from spending time in outdoor activities and at home but by combining the both factors in right proportion, they will be able to achieve belief in oneself as well as in their families.
Engaging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
to manage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
well is a challenging job for parents. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
involve in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
to boost their confidence. While other claim that for strong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
it is essential for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
indoors at home.
However
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that a balanced proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
needs to
be spent
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
as well
as at home with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. This essay will explore both aspects of the argument
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
discussing my opinion.

On the one hand, the supporters of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
engage in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to become confident Individuals in life.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
communications
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
enhance due to their interaction with various Individuals.
For example
, Angeline
Possible spelling mistake found.
Jolie
, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
Hollywood star, mentioned in her interview to BBC the significance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
involvement in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them more self-sufficient.
Hence
, it is vital for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to be a part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
activities.

While,
On the other hand
, the advocates of the view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at home
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
The verb 'helps' is used with an infinitive: "to strengthen" or "strengthen".
strengthening
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their parents, understand and bonding with each other.
For instance
, Steve Jobs in his biography
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
on the fact that for building strong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
it is critical for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at home.
Thus
,
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children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
contribute more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at home with family.

However
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that it is critical for parents to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
a balanced proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and at home with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. As it will ensure that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
become confident and responsible personnel with lively
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
. To sum up, although I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can attain separate benefits from spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and at home
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
by combining the both factors in right proportion, they will be able to achieve belief in oneself
Probable usage error. Use "and" after 'both'.
as well as
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
56Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that children should be allowed to go out for outdoor activities. While others believe that children should stay at home most of the time. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
333 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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