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some people believe that children should allow to have outdoor activities while other believe that children should not allow to have outdoor activities. Discuss both opinions and give yours.

some people believe that children should allow to have outdoor activities while other believe that children should not allow to have outdoor activities. d9Ed6
There always has been a great confusion in the minds of parents that whether they allow their children to have outdoor activities or not? it is often argued by some that children should not allow to have outdoor activities because there is a chance that they may fall in a bad company. Meanwhile, other argued that children should allow to go outside and to have some activities there to improve their physical fitness and social skills this essay will explore both arguments before reaching a logic opinion. On the one hand the people who supports the idea that children should stay home and have indoor activities instead of going out believe that by going outside children can fall a prey to bad company and hence bad habits they also fear that due to bad company their children's repetition can also be spoilt. As man is known by company that he keeps. Take an example of Morgan Freeman a leading Hollywood star once said in his interview that he never allowed his children to go outside and do outdoor activities due to the fear of bad company. Hence children should stay home and perform indoor activities instead of outdoor ones. On the other hand the advocates of the view that children should allow to take part in outdoor activities believe that the physical fitness of children would be enhanced by outdoor activities like outdoor games e. g. , football cricket etc. These games not only increase the physical health of children but also help them in development of their social skills for instance Babar Azam captain of Pakistani national cricket team has a great communication skills and physically fit because office outdoor activity (cricket). Therefore children should allow to take part in outdoor activities. However I believe that children should be allowed to take part in outdoor activities under proper examination. So that they do not fall a prey to bad habits or bad company. To sum up, in order to improve the physical fitness and social skills of children they should be allowed to take part in outdoor activities but under proper examination of their parents.
There always has been a great confusion in the minds of parents that whether they
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allow
their
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children
to have
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outdoor
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activities
or not?
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it
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued by
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some
that
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children
should not
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allow
to have
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outdoor
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activities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there is a chance that they may fall in a
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bad
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company
. Meanwhile, other argued that
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children
should
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allow
Did you mean "going"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'allow' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to go
outside and to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
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activities
there to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
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physical
fitness and social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
this essay will explore both arguments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
reaching a logic opinion.

On the one hand the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
Did you mean "support"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'people' should be used.
supports
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
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children
should stay home and have indoor
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activities
instead
of going out believe that by going outside
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children
can fall a prey to
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bad
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company
and
hence
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bad
habits they
also
fear that due to
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bad
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company
their children's repetition can
also
be
Possible spelling mistake. 'spoilt' is British English.
spoilt
.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
is known
by
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company
that he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
. Take an example of Morgan Freeman a leading Hollywood star once said in his interview that he never
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to go outside and do
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outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
due to the fear of
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bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
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children
should stay home and perform indoor
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activities
instead
of
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outdoor
ones.

On the other hand
the advocates of the view that
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children
should
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allow
Did you mean "taking"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'allow' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to take
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part
in
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outdoor
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activities
believe that the
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physical
fitness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would
be enhanced
by
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outdoor
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activities
like
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outdoor
games
There should be no space here: "e.g.".
e. g.
Loose punctuation mark.
,
football cricket etc. These games not
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only
increase the
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physical
health of
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children
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but
also
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help
them in development of their social
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skills
for instance
Possible spelling mistake found.
Babar
Possible spelling mistake found.
Azam
captain of Pakistani national cricket team has a great communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and
physically
fit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
office
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
(cricket).
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
allow
Did you mean "taking"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'allow' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
activities.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
under proper examination.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that they do not fall a prey to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
habits or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

To sum up, in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
fitness and social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
they should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
under proper examination of their parents.
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IELTS essay some people believe that children should allow to have outdoor activities while other believe that children should not allow to have outdoor activities.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
356 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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