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Some people believe that charity organizations should give aid to those in greater need, wherever they live. Other thinks that the organization should focus on assisting people in their own country instead. Discuss people in their own country instead. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

Some people believe that charity organizations should give aid to those in greater need, wherever they live. Other thinks that the organization should focus on assisting people in their own country instead. Discuss people in their own country instead. 7aPYy
Nowadays, many organizations help people who are in need. Some people support the view that charity should be distributed to the ones who needs the help most. While others opine that organization should assist people who live in their nation. Both sentiments are essential for people. I personally believe that citizens should get more benefit from their country's organization. The following paragraphs will elaborate both the views. On the one hand, if charity would be contributed around the globe, the relation between countries would be flourish. In other words, if one country will support another Nation in critical time, eventually they will get help in future if it is required. Because of that, other nation will get influence as well and consequently no one will back off to support and will stand with each other. This would resolve problems who actually requires. To give an example of Australia's forest fire, more than ten countries donated money in different ways and resolved problem somehow. On the other hand, if organization will nurture their own county's citizens who needs help, it will bring more equality between inhabitants. In other words, little help from country would give incentive to work harder and eventually it would bring economic equalities and consequently the disparity would decrease. Other point to take into consideration is it will stop citizens to do unpleasant work. Resent survey found that where the support from organization is more, the ratio of unpleasant work is less in country. To conclude, both statements are prominent in their own ways. However, taking care of their natives would certainly be beneficial for nation as well as citizens.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are in need.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
the view that charity should
be distributed
to the ones
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
Did you mean "need"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'ones' should be used.
needs
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
most.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
others opine that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organization
should assist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
. Both sentiments are essential for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. I
personally
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more benefit from their country's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organization
. The following paragraphs will elaborate both the views.

On the one hand, if charity would
be contributed
around the globe, the relation between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
would be
Consider using a past participle here: "flourished".
flourish
. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, if one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Nation
in critical time,
eventually
they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
in future if it
is required
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
influence
as well
and
consequently
no one will back off to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
and will stand with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
. This would resolve problems
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
actually requires. To give an example of Australia's forest fire, more than ten
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
donated money in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways and resolved problem somehow.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organization
will nurture their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
county's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
Did you mean "need"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'citizens' should be used.
needs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
, it will bring more equality between inhabitants. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
would give incentive to work harder and
eventually
it would bring economic
Possible spelling mistake found.
equalities
and
consequently
the disparity would decrease.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Other
point to take into consideration is it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
to do unpleasant work. Resent survey found that where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organization
is more, the ratio of unpleasant work is less in country.

To conclude
, both statements are prominent in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
ways.
However
, taking care of their natives would
certainly
be beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that charity organizations should give aid to those in greater need, wherever they live. Other thinks that the organization should focus on assisting people in their own country instead. Discuss people in their own country instead.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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