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Some people believe that big salary is more important while others say that job satisfaction is the most important thing. [13/07, 3:11 pm] Pappu Uncle: Discuss both views and give your opinion

Some people believe that big salary is more important while others say that job satisfaction is the most important thing. [13/07, 3: 11 pm] Pappu Uncle: Discuss both views and give your opinion 8QrWw
It is often suggested that it is more vital to choose high wages job even it does not appeal to you at all. I completely disagree with this statement and think that job satisfaction is much more important than salary. First of all, I believe that job satisfaction gives people a sense of fulfillment that no money can guarantee. Even if anyone earns high wages, but leads a stressful life that person won’t enjoy his life. In addition, everyone wants to feel satisfied and pleased in their life. For the instance, researchers did not choose their careers because of the high salaries but because they were passionate about science. That's why it is more important to choose a job that makes you happy rather than looking only at the salary. Secondly, doing whats you like keeps you motivated and therefore leads to career growth. In the other words, there is a strong relationship between job satisfaction and productivity. People who love their job can easily excel in their career and get better results than those who prefer money in the first position. For example, I knew a person who left his job to became a writer, and at the end of the year, he launched his first book and became a famous author. Thus, the advantages of jobs that keep you satisfied can outweigh the drawback of a low income from a long-term perspective. To conclude, I strongly believe that job satisfaction is more beneficial than high wages because it keeps people happy and motivated.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
suggested that it is more vital to choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
wages
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
even it does not appeal to you at all. I completely disagree with this statement and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfaction
is much more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than salary.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfaction
gives
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
a sense of fulfillment that no money can guarantee. Even if anyone earns
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
wages,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
leads a stressful life that person won’t enjoy his life.
In addition
, everyone wants to feel satisfied and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
pleased
in their life. For the instance, researchers did not choose their careers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
salaries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they were passionate about science. That's why it is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to choose a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
you happy
rather
than looking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
at the salary.

Secondly
, doing
Possible spelling mistake found
whats
you like
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
you motivated and
therefore
leads to career growth. In the other words, there is a strong relationship between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfaction
and productivity.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
can
easily
excel in their career and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
better results than those who prefer money in the
first
position.
For example
, I knew a person who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
Did you mean "to become"?
to became
a writer, and at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the year, he launched his
first
book and became a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
author.
Thus
, the advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
you satisfied can outweigh the drawback of a low income from a long-term perspective.

To conclude
, I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfaction
is more beneficial than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
wages
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
happy and motivated.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that big salary is more important while others say that job satisfaction is the most important thing. [13/07, 3: 11 pm] Pappu Uncle: Discuss both views and give your opinion

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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