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Some people believe that advertisement is useful and informative Others think it is false and only helps to raise prices Discuss both views and give your opinion v.1

Some people believe that advertisement is useful and informative Others think it is false and only helps to raise prices 1
It is argued that the increasing number of health problems associated with obesity has put a lot of the burden onto the health care systems all over the world. While some individuals believe that the ultimate solution is to incorporate additional physical education lessons into the school curriculum, I agree this is one way to improve national weight problem, but there are also factors that should be held into account. This essay will discuss the different means in order to address the issue. On the one hand, as part of the school’s physical education program, various sports can be introduced, daily routine exercises and physical game activities can be implemented. In this way students can become more physically active and participate while enjoying themselves, especially in the sport they are interested in. Although advantageous, it is not enough to effectively resolve the said issue. Healthy diet campaigns must be included, where schools will strictly implement a no-junk policy, for instance, allowing the canteens to only offer healthy food and drink options to the students. A prime example is the Philippines’ department of health where it recently launched its campaign for healthy food choices to be offered to the students. This is to be actualized along with the implementation of the physical education program. On the other hand, the participation of the local government is also vital. Creating activities like daily fitness programs, organising fun run events, and many other forms of promoting healthy lifestyles must be encouraged. In addition, awareness of proper nutrition must be promoted, where backyard vegetable farming, for instance is supported by the local government. Research findings from the World Health Organisation show that mobilising the general public, adults and parents in particular, to join in health awareness programs, greatly contribute in helping the schools raise children’s consciousness, in living a healthy lifestyle therefore, avoiding the problems linked to obesity. In conclusion, I agree that school physical education activities are beneficial, although it will be sufficient for health care system to handle the rising number of overweight- related health problems. Healthy diet programs must be available, pushing forward a need for collaborations between schools and local communities, wherein adults, parents most especially, participate in the community so they can serve as an example to the children.
It
is argued
that the increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
associated with obesity has put
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
the burden onto the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care systems all over the world. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals believe that the ultimate solution is to incorporate additional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
lessons into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curriculum, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
this is one way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
national weight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are
also
factors that should
be held
into account. This essay will discuss the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
means in order to address the issue.

On the one hand, as part of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
, various sports can
be introduced
, daily routine exercises and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
game activities can
be implemented
. In this way students can become more
physically
active and participate while enjoying themselves,
especially
in the sport they
are interested
in. Although advantageous, it is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
effectively
resolve the said issue.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Healthy
diet campaigns
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be included
, where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
will
strictly
implement a no-junk policy,
for instance
, allowing the canteens to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
offer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
food and drink options to the students. A prime example is the Philippines’ department of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
where it recently launched its campaign for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
food choices to
be offered
to the students. This is to
be actualized
along with the implementation of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
program.

On the other hand
, the participation of the local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
is
also
vital. Creating activities like daily fitness
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
,
Possible spelling mistake. 'organising' is British English.
organising
fun run
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other forms of promoting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
lifestyles
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be encouraged
.
In addition
, awareness of proper nutrition
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be promoted
, where backyard vegetable farming,
for instance
is supported
by the local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. Research findings from the World
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Health
Possible spelling mistake. 'Organisation' is British English.
Organisation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that
Possible spelling mistake. 'mobilising' is British English.
mobilising
the
Consider using "public".
general public
, adults and parents
in particular
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
awareness
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
,
greatly
contribute in helping the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
raise children’s consciousness, in living a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
lifestyle
therefore
, avoiding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
linked to obesity.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
activities are beneficial, although it will be sufficient for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care system to handle the rising number of overweight- related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Healthy
diet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be available, pushing forward a need for collaborations between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and local communities, wherein adults, parents most
especially
, participate in the community
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can serve as an example to the children.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that advertisement is useful and informative Others think it is false and only helps to raise prices 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
379 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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