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Some people believe that a country becomes more interesting and develops faster when its population includes a mixture of different nationalities and cultures. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people believe that a country becomes more interesting and develops faster when its population includes a mixture of different nationalities and cultures. v. 1
There is no doubt that outstanding employees with great performances and contribution should be appreciated and praised. With my understanding of the significance of rewarding, I firmly believe that giving some extra money could provide an incentive to work more productively and more efficiently, however, there are many superior alternatives for this method to motivate staff members. I will state my opinion on these following ideas. As the cost of living has gone up considerably, people become more reliant on their income and financial support stands out as one of the most effective ways to encourage employees to dedicate themselves to their careers. Undoubtedly, every employee would sooner earn an appropriate amount of money that is equivalent to efforts, time they spend on those as well as the difficulty of the tasks. Many of them firmly believe that bonus provides an incentive to work more productively and by contrast, to be paid less than their expectation, this will in turn affect the performances. It results from the fact that the majority of employees suspect their bosses give out bonuses in exchange for personal favours. However advantageous this method is, there are still several negative impacts that leave a little to be desired such as dishonest rivalry, jealousy. Instead of the financial reward, there are numerous superior alternative ways to praise those with exceptional contributions. Mental supports seem to be one of them. This can boost the optimistic mood of each employee, which is the foundation of cooperation. If people are treated with respect and admiration and their works are acknowledged by the others, especially seniors, they feel more motivated and willing to try their best. To conclude, giving extra money could lead to productivity and act as an incentive for some staff members, but in order to motivate employees, such a wide range of better methods could be applied. If it were up to me, I would mentally support them by applauding to show them my admiration.
There is no doubt that outstanding
employees
with great performances and contribution should
be appreciated
and praised. With my understanding of the significance of rewarding, I
firmly
believe that giving
some
extra money could provide an incentive to work more
productively
and more
efficiently
,
however
, there are
many
superior alternatives for this method to motivate staff members. I will state my opinion on these following
ideas
.

As the cost of living has gone up
considerably
,
people
become more reliant on their income and financial support stands out as one of the most effective ways to encourage
employees
to dedicate themselves to their careers.
Undoubtedly
, every
employee
would sooner earn an appropriate amount of money
that is
equivalent to efforts, time they spend on those
as well
as the difficulty of the tasks.
Many
of them
firmly
believe that bonus provides an incentive to work more
productively
and by contrast, to
be paid
less than their expectation, this will in turn affect the performances. It results from the fact that the majority of
employees
suspect their bosses give out bonuses in exchange for personal
favours
.

However
advantageous this method is, there are
still
several
negative
impacts that
leave
a
little
to
be desired
such as dishonest rivalry, jealousy.
Instead
of the financial reward, there are numerous superior alternative ways to praise those with exceptional contributions. Mental supports seem to be one of them. This can boost the optimistic mood of each
employee
, which is the foundation of cooperation. If
people
are treated
with respect and admiration and their works
are acknowledged
by the others,
especially
seniors, they feel more motivated and willing to try their best.

To conclude
, giving extra money could lead to productivity and act as an incentive for
some
staff members,
but
in order to motivate
employees
, such a wide range of better methods could
be applied
. If it were up to me, I would mentally support them by applauding to
show
them my admiration.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
I love commuting between languages just like I love commuting between cultures and cities.
Elif Safak

IELTS essay Some people believe that a country becomes more interesting and develops faster when its population includes a mixture of different nationalities and cultures. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
327 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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