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some people believe technology has made man more sociable and others think that it has made us less sociable. discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

some people believe technology has made man more sociable and others think that it has made us less sociable. v. 2
Some people reckon that use of technology has made mankind more sociable whereas others oppose the claim and say, it makes them unfriendly. I think technology has a significant role in social life and its effects depend upon the way one uses it. In this essay, I will look into both sides and try to draw some conclusions. On the one hand, some people claim that technology helps people to socialize with others. One way to build relationships with other people is by sharing thoughts and ideas. Technology can remove the obstacles related to time and space by allowing individuals to share photos, videos and clips. According to a survey about senior citizens and information technology conducted at Harvard University in 2018 found that social media was quite convenient for seniors to be in touch with their fellow citizens. Hence, technology helps people to remain in contact with others. On the other hand, some people believe that technology makes us less sociable. However, it is true in some cases where technology can make people unfriendly and isolated. For example, today' s youngsters like to watch movies and playing video games on TV or computers rather than going outside, making connections or playing field games such as football or basketball. In this case because of technology, they sometimes become less sociable. However, it totally depends upon an individual and the way he use those technological devices. To conclude, considering both sides, I personally believe that technology has way more benefits to society to be more social. However, technology may have some drawbacks in socialization but that entirely depends upon its use.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
reckon that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has made mankind more sociable whereas others oppose the claim and say, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them
unfriendly
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has a significant role in social life and its effects depend upon the way one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
it. In this essay, I will look into both sides and try to draw
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
conclusions.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to socialize with others. One way to build relationships with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
by sharing thoughts and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
can remove the obstacles related to time and space by allowing individuals to share photos, videos and clips. According to a survey about senior citizens and information
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
conducted at Harvard University in 2018 found that social media was quite convenient for seniors to be in touch with their fellow citizens.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to remain in contact with others.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
us less sociable.
However
, it is true in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases where
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technology
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
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people
unfriendly
and isolated.
For example
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
today&
#039; s youngsters like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
movies and playing video games on TV or computers
rather
than going outside, making connections or playing field games such as football or basketball.
In this case
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
become less sociable.
However
, it
totally
depends upon an individual and the way he
The pronoun 'he' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "uses", "used".
use
those technological devices.

To conclude
, considering both sides, I
personally
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has way more benefits to society to be more social.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
may have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks in socialization
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
that
entirely
depends upon its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay some people believe technology has made man more sociable and others think that it has made us less sociable. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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