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Some people believe schools should reward students who show the best academic results, while others think that it is more crucial to reward students who show progress. Discuss both views and express your own opinion?

Some people believe schools should reward students who show the best academic results, while others think that it is more crucial to reward students who show progress. VNG7
Most schools reward students who perform well in their examinations. Some people, however, feel that instead of giving prizes to academic toppers, schools should appreciate the hard work of students who show great progress by rewarding them. In my opinion, toppers as well as those who show progress need to be rewarded. Rewards motivate students to work harder and achieve better results. Everybody loves to get prizes. Toppers are no different. When the school appreciates their hard work with prizes, they will be motivated to work even harder. What’s more, their performance will also inspire other students to study harder and improve their grades. If the school does not reward them, at least, some of them will lose the motivation and that may reflect in their grades. At the same time, toppers are not the only students who need to be appreciated. Students who show great progress should also be rewarded for their hard work. Just knowing that the school appreciates their efforts will be a motivation for them and they will want to improve their performance by working harder. Rewards are given for a reason. As human beings, we all crave appreciation. When others recognize our efforts, we will want to work even harder and achieve greater results. If schools only reward academic toppers, others may assume that prizes are not meant for them. In that case, they will give up even without making an effort to get better grades. If, on the other hand, the schools also reward students showing improvement, more and more students will want to improve their grades. To conclude, rewards encourage all students to work harder. Therefore, in my opinion, not only the toppers, but students showing improvement also need to be rewarded.
Most
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schools
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reward
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students
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who
perform well in their examinations.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
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people
,
however
, feel that
instead
of giving
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prizes
to academic
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toppers
,
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schools
should appreciate the
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hard
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work
of
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students
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who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
great progress by rewarding them. In my opinion,
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toppers
as well
as those
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who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
progress need to
be rewarded
.

Rewards motivate
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students
to
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work
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harder
and achieve better results. Everybody
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loves
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
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prizes
.
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Toppers
are no
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
. When the
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school
appreciates their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
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work
with
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prizes
, they will
be motivated
to
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work
even
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harder
. What’s more, their performance will
also
inspire
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other
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students
to study
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harder
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their grades. If the
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school
does not
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reward
them, at least,
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some
of them will lose the motivation and that may reflect in their grades.

At the same time,
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toppers
are not the
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only
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students
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who
need to
be appreciated
.
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Students
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who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
great progress should
also
be rewarded
for their
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hard
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work
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Just
knowing that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
appreciates their efforts will be a motivation for
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
them and
they will want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their performance by working harder.

Rewards are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
for a reason. As human beings, we all crave appreciation. When others recognize our efforts, we will want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
even
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
harder
and achieve greater results. If
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schools
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
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reward
academic
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toppers
, others may assume that
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prizes
are not meant for them.
In that case
, they will give up even without making an effort to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
better grades. If, on the
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other
hand, the
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schools
also
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reward
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
showing improvement, more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their grades.

To conclude
,
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rewards
encourage all
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students
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
harder
.
Therefore
, in my opinion, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toppers
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
showing improvement
also
need to
be rewarded
.
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IELTS essay Some people believe schools should reward students who show the best academic results, while others think that it is more crucial to reward students who show progress.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
289 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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