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Some people believe music industry and film industry entertain us and get paid more money as compared to their performance what do you think?

Some people believe music industry and film industry entertain us and get paid more money as compared to their performance what do you think? n12ro
music industry or film insusty always entertain human beings from past decades and I strongly believe they are being paid hefty amount irrecective of their performance on stage and more over they become celebrities in very short duration of time menas to say people believe they are real hero rather than thinking from prospective they are just on screen human beings who workded for money. To extent my point of view on those industry people they always spend extra vendezeiusly money which our youth then stied to copy and fairs which leads to involvement in wrong activities which runied their carrer. Moreover celebrities become so much public icon and then they tried to influence people by doing or show casing some wrong information just in instance any commericial ad which is for wine/whisky/beer hey usually charge milllions or more and that might increaser profit for organization however when youth or other people view that ads then they feel its safe to drink which in my view is not lastly I would say we have so many real stars like actors, soldiers, human activies which always serve community in better way and give or showcased society always path to become better human being so in my view these reals hero's will be paid extra as an example we are still in pendemic era where docitors beware real savivors and helps so many life to concude I would can always apperciate real hero; s stars not on screen stars.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
music
industry or film
Possible spelling mistake found.
insusty
always entertain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
beings from past decades and I
strongly
believe they are
being paid
hefty amount
Possible spelling mistake found.
irrecective
of their performance on stage and more over they become celebrities in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
short duration of time
Possible spelling mistake found.
menas
to say
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
hero
rather
than thinking from prospective they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
on screen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
beings who
Possible spelling mistake found.
workded
for money.

To extent my point of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
view
on those industry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
they always spend extra
Possible spelling mistake found.
vendezeiusly
money which our youth then
Possible spelling mistake found.
stied
to copy and fairs which leads to involvement in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
activities which
Possible spelling mistake found.
runied
their
Possible spelling mistake found.
carrer
.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
celebrities become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much public
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
icon and
then they tried to influence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
by doing or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
casing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
information
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
in instance any
Possible spelling mistake found.
commericial
ad which is for wine/
Possible spelling mistake. 'whisky' is British English.
whisky
/beer hey
usually
charge
Possible spelling mistake found.
milllions
or more and that might
Possible spelling mistake found.
increaser
profit for organization
however
when youth or other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
view
that ads then they feel its safe to drink which in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
view
is not

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
lastly
I would say we have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
stars like actors, soldiers,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
Possible spelling mistake found.
activies
which always serve community in better way and give or showcased society always path to become better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
being
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
view
these
Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "reals'" or "real's"?
reals
hero's will
be paid
extra as an example we are
still
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
pendemic
era where
Possible spelling mistake found.
docitors
beware
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
Possible spelling mistake found.
savivors
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
Possible agreement error. The noun life seems to be countable; consider using: "many lives".
many life
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
concude
I would
The adverb 'always' is usually put before the verb 'can'.
can always
Possible spelling mistake found.
apperciate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
hero; s stars not on screen stars.
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IELTS essay Some people believe music industry and film industry entertain us and get paid more money as compared to their performance what do you think?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
247 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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