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(The 2 most significant issuses are internet connection and technological equipment)

(The 2 most significant issuses are internet connection and technological equipment) 0wON3
There are numerous challenges that people who work from home must face, such as network overload and old devices that have contributed to interruptions in their work. According to a Vietnamnews article, Internet connections are slow due to problems with undersea cables. On Sunday, AAG encountered a problem on a section connecting Vietnam to Hong Kong, which is the reason why the Internet is slow (as a result)… and has an impact on people who work from home, particularly during the Covid 19 pandemic. Second, outdated devices such as laptops cause employers to waste a lot of time waiting for the system to respond. For example, a mechanical engineer who works on simulation about technical problems or a program like CAE (computer-aided engineering) or CAD (computer-aided design) require a lot of computer resources such as memory, processor, graphics card. As a result, ageing equipment may have a negative impact(try to avoid repetition -> you can replace impact with effect/ influence/implication]on their job.
There are numerous challenges that
people
who work from home
must
face, such as network overload and
old
devices that have contributed to interruptions in their work.

According to a
Vietnamnews
article, Internet connections are slow due to problems with undersea cables. On Sunday, AAG encountered a problem on a section connecting Vietnam to Hong Kong, which is the reason why the Internet is slow (
as a result
)… and has an impact on
people
who work from home,
particularly
during the
Covid 19
pandemic.

Second, outdated devices such as laptops cause employers to waste
a lot of
time waiting for the system to respond.
For example
, a mechanical engineer who works on simulation about technical problems or a program like
CAE
(computer-aided engineering) or CAD (computer-aided design) require
a lot of
computer resources such as memory, processor, graphics card.
As a result
,
ageing
equipment may have a
negative
impact
(
try to avoid repetition
->
you can replace impact with effect/ influence/implication
]
on their job.
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IELTS essay (The 2 most significant issuses are internet connection and technological equipment)

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
162 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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