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some people believe money is most important factor in promoting happiness. Do you think people can be happy without money? what do you think are other factor contributing toward happiness

some people believe money is most important factor in promoting happiness. Do you think people can be happy without money? what do you think are other factor contributing toward happiness 5VeN
It is undeniable that in today’s pop-culture era money is regarding as an infallible tool to self-satisfaction. In this essay, I will examine why I feel people must learn human values rather than running after materialistic possession, along with striking factor toward self-happiness. TO embark with, humans compare their self worth and level of happiness with the amount of cash in the bank, rugged car and huge mansion. Hence, this culture nowadays is the reason why people believe throwing a grand party and sending children to A-grade make them happier than ever. A recent research shows that about 90% people globally assert joy and money to be synonyms, and contend poverty to be an underlying cause of dissatisfaction in life. One way that people can gain happiness is through their work. For example, a doctor working in rural area may earn a little money, but the reward of helping needy is something that brings happiness in itself. As a result, not money serving the world with their ability gives job satisfaction. However, there exist various other factors which plays the principal role in human’s life. Primarily, how can one ignore kindness and positively be an ultimate repercussion which provides people with happiness? For instance, helping impoverished teaches that life is beautiful and worth celebrating whereas, flying in business-class aircraft does not give such vibes. Finally, affection of family is the most needed aspect of human life, I do believe. In other word, an individual can survive without bank balance but not in the absence of family, therefore, no matter how handsome money one makes there in no point in celebrating without close ones. In conclusion, happiness can be found through job satisfaction and family. Further more, if strive in life toward human values instead of money, world would be a better place to live in.
It is undeniable that in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s pop-culture era
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is regarding as an infallible tool to self-satisfaction. In this essay, I will examine why I feel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
values
rather
than running after materialistic possession, along with striking factor toward self-happiness.

TO embark with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
compare their
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self worth
and level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
with the amount of cash in the bank, rugged car and huge mansion.
Hence
, this culture nowadays is the reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe throwing a grand party and sending children to A-grade
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them happier than ever. A recent research
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that about 90%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
globally assert joy and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to be synonyms, and contend poverty to be an underlying cause of dissatisfaction in life.

One way that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can gain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is through their work.
For example
, a doctor working in rural area may earn a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the reward of helping needy is something that brings
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
in itself.
As a result
, not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
serving the world with their ability gives job satisfaction.

However
, there exist various other factors which plays the principal role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Primarily
, how can one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
kindness and
positively
be an ultimate repercussion which provides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
?
For instance
, helping impoverished teaches that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
and worth celebrating whereas, flying in business-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
aircraft does not give such vibes.
Finally
, affection of family is the most needed aspect of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, I do believe. In other word, an individual can survive without bank balance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not in the absence of family,
therefore
, no matter how handsome
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
there in no point in celebrating without close ones.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
can
be found
through job satisfaction and family.
Further
more, if strive in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
toward
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
values
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, world would be a better place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in.
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IELTS essay some people believe money is most important factor in promoting happiness. Do you think people can be happy without money? what do you think are other factor contributing toward happiness

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
305 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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