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Some people believe media, pop culture and friends paly important role on child development other say family the key one

Some people believe media, pop culture and friends paly important role on child development other say family the key one 2RAB6
Children development is one of the most key factors for every nations cause they are the future for the countries shine. It is considered by a number of people that media, pop culture and friends play an important role for children’s development whilst others say family is the main source of this view. There are rational arguments on both sides of this contentious topic which will be discussed by own take on the matter. On the one hand, it is arguable that media, pop culture are displayed in every mobile phones on tv. As a result, children are more familiar with that because every family has one of that items. That technology helps children a lot. For instance, nowadays children know about world recent matters through media. However some terrific video Covered by media can mislead on children’s mental growth. Similarly, pop culture has great impact on children's lifestyle. Besides friends is one of the most valuable one than media and pop. If they connect with good friends it will help their physical and mental health. otherwise, it can be demonstrative. On the other hand, some people keep support on family's effort on children's enhancement. First of all, one can learn language through his parents parents or family member. Secondly, many activities which are copied by family. In addition, family can learn their child which is good or bad for him. Finally, they are motivated by their parents when they needed most. To sum up, though two sides has a great value, parents or family seem to ahead to create a enjoyable lifestyle for children.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
development is one of the most key factors for every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "nation"?
nations
Did you mean "because they"?
cause they
are the future for the countries shine. It
is considered
by a number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
, pop culture and friends play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
development whilst others say
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is the main source of this view. There are rational arguments on both sides of this contentious topic which will
be discussed
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
take on the matter.

On the one hand, it is arguable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
, pop culture
are displayed
in every mobile phones on
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are more familiar with that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
has one of that items. That technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
a lot.
For instance
, nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
know about world recent matters through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
terrific video Covered by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
can mislead on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
mental growth.
Similarly
, pop culture has great impact on children's lifestyle.
Besides
friends is one of the most valuable
Use "oner" to make a comparison with this adjective.
one
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
and pop. If they connect with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
friends it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their physical and mental health.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
otherwise
, it can be demonstrative.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
support on family's effort on children's enhancement.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, one can learn language through his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
member.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
activities which
are copied
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
can learn their child which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
for him.
Finally
, they
are motivated
by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
when they needed most.

To sum up, though two sides has a great value,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
seem
Did you mean "too ahead to"?
to ahead to
create
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
enjoyable lifestyle for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
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IELTS essay Some people believe media, pop culture and friends paly important role on child development other say family the key one

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
265 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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