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Some people believe increasing business and cultural contacts between countries are a positive development while others argue that it is a threat to identity of a nation? Discuss both view and give your opinion? v.2

Some people believe increasing business and cultural contacts between countries are a positive development while others argue that it is a threat to identity of a nation? v. 2
One of the most noticeable trends recently is a closer connection among nations in terms of business and culture. While many argued that it may lead to the demise of countries’ identities, I believe that it brings about opportunities for one’s progression. There are several reasons why national identity can disappear if cultural and business bonding among countries is strengthened. Firstly, the invasion of foreign cultures, either through media or through business interaction, has made the locals have become more accustomed to exotic cultures, especially younger generations. Many young Asians are captivated by the Western culture which has changed their ways of life. Secondly, taking a look back in history, a plethora of civilizations are vanishing, this started by the loss of own language. Many small communities want to come out of their isolation and seek interaction with the wider world; therefore, they learn other languages to exist. Nevertheless, I believe that business and cultural relationship between countries have resulted in greater economic development. To begin with, trade throughout global thereby improves the economy of underdeveloped countries. Many multinational companies have opened in many parts of the world providing jobs to thousands of locals. Furthermore, those countries can get a chance to spread their culture to others. A unique culture can attract foreign visitors and become a huge income source for a nation. For example, Vietnam is famous for “pho”, a traditional food made from rice, and many tourists want to visit to Vietnam and enjoy it. In conclusion, although there are some reasons why the increased of interactions in both business and cultural aspects between nations has brought concerns over its impact on the identity of each country, in my opinion it can promote the nation’s development.
One of the most noticeable trends recently is a closer connection among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
argued that it may lead to the demise of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries’
identities, I believe that it brings about opportunities for one’s progression.

There are several reasons why national identity can disappear if cultural and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
bonding among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
is strengthened
.
Firstly
, the invasion of foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
, either through media or through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
interaction, has made the locals have become more accustomed to exotic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
,
especially
younger generations.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
young Asians
are captivated
by the Western
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
which has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
their ways of life.
Secondly
, taking a look back in history, a plethora of civilizations are vanishing, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
by the loss of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
language.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
communities want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
out of their isolation and seek interaction with the wider world;
therefore
, they learn other languages to exist.

Nevertheless
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
and cultural relationship between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have resulted in greater economic development. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, trade throughout global thereby
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
the economy of underdeveloped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
multinational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
have opened in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parts of the world providing jobs to thousands of locals.
Furthermore
, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a chance to spread their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
to others. A unique
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
can attract foreign visitors and become a huge income source for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
.
For example
, Vietnam is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
for “
Possible spelling mistake found.
pho
”, a traditional food made from rice, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
tourists want to visit to Vietnam and enjoy it.

In conclusion
, although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons why the increased of interactions in both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
and cultural aspects between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
has brought concerns over its impact on the identity of each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, in my opinion it can promote the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation’s
development.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe increasing business and cultural contacts between countries are a positive development while others argue that it is a threat to identity of a nation? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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