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Some people believe famous people's support towards international aid organizations draws the attention to problems, while others think celebrities make the problems less important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people believe famous people's support towards international aid organizations draws the attention to problems, while others think celebrities make the problems less important. 7aPxn
Although it is sometimes thought that well-known people should exert celebrity effect to attract people to support global aid programmes, other people believe that celebrities(stars) may not gain too much publicity for this issue. In my opinion, I consider that celebrities are always under the spotlight, and they will influence people in different countries and cultures worldwide. On the one hand, some people think that famous people draw media attention wherever they go which helps to highlight the aid organization and I agree. In other words, charities or causes can be made more famous by celebrity involvement. People are more likely to donate when they are called to action by their favorite actor or football star. Furthermore, celebrities are able to bridge the gap between a tragedy that has occurred in a distant place and bring it into people’s sitting rooms, making the problem seem more real and less remote. On the other hand, it is often believed that celebrities, like everyone else, may have moral shortcomings or make the wrong life choices. If the famous people’s image is damaged in the media, it could have repercussions on the charity. This means the charity becomes dependent on famous people maintaining popularity which cannot always be guaranteed. Moreover, some people may lose interest in a charity or stop their involvement if they do not like a particular star. A celebrity’s job is to entertain people, and their involvement can make the message shallow if they do not work with the charity. In conclusion, while people may vary in their opinions, I think that a famous voice is often more trustworthy and more compelling when it comes to global issues.
Although it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that well-known
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should exert
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
effect to attract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to support global aid
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
, other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that celebrities(stars) may not gain too much publicity for this issue. In my opinion, I consider that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
are always under the spotlight, and they will influence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries and cultures worldwide.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
draw media attention wherever they go which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to highlight the aid organization and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charities
or causes can
be made
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
involvement.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are more likely to donate when they
are called
to action by their favorite actor or football star.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
are able to bridge the gap between a tragedy that has occurred in a distant place and bring it into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
sitting rooms, making the problem seem more real and less remote.

On the other hand
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
believed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
, like everyone else, may have moral shortcomings or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
life choices. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
image
is damaged
in the media, it could have repercussions on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charity
. This means the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charity
becomes dependent on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
maintaining popularity which cannot always
be guaranteed
.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may lose interest in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charity
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
their involvement if they do not like a particular star. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity’s
job is to entertain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, and their involvement can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the message shallow if they do not work with the charity.

In conclusion
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may vary in their opinions, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
voice is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
more trustworthy and more compelling when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to global issues.

IELTS essay Some people believe famous people's support towards international aid organizations draws the attention to problems, while others think celebrities make the problems less important.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
278 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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