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hosting an international sports event

hosting an international sports event YLR5j
Some people argue that international events bring prosperity, enthusiasm, entertainment and business for the hosting nation. Others claim that it could have awful consequences and severe negative effect on the lives of local people. Firstly, sporting tournaments play a pivotal role in strengthening the economy of the organising country. Numerous tourists and visitors attend these events to support and lift up the morale of their teams. Local people observe a dramatic rise in the sales of their goods and services. Secondly, sport is a source of entertainment and fun for its followers. People get the chance to meet and enjoy the performance of their favourite sports star. Thirdly, it provides an opportunity to meet new people and understand their culture and traditions that could substantially decrease the tension between the people of rival countries. International sporting events also popularise a country to the world and thus the potential tourism industry of this country gets benefits from that. Nevertheless, it is often seen that people burst out as their team lose the match that could provoke the situation on the ground and make it a battlefield. Additionally, congestion, adequate accommodation and visitor's safety are the few issues that are caused by these events. During the 2018 ASEAN games in Indonesia, a record number of thefts and stolen cases were reported. To tackle such problems required enormous funds and detailed planning. To sum up, I would like to say that I agree that hosting international event gives more advantages than cons but on the other hands the country needs several actions to minimize some risk that will arise.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
bring prosperity, enthusiasm, entertainment and business for the hosting nation. Others claim that it could have awful consequences and severe
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Firstly
, sporting tournaments play a pivotal role in strengthening the economy of the
Possible spelling mistake. 'organising' is British English.
organising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. Numerous tourists and visitors attend these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
to support and
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "lift".
lift up
the morale of their teams. Local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
observe a dramatic rise in the sales of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
and services.
Secondly
, sport is a source of entertainment and fun for its followers.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
and enjoy the performance of their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
sports star.
Thirdly
, it provides an opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and understand their culture and traditions that could
substantially
decrease the tension between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of rival
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. International sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
also
Possible spelling mistake. 'popularise' is British English.
popularise
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to the world and
thus
the potential tourism industry of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
benefits from that.

Nevertheless
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
burst out as their team lose the match that could provoke the situation on the ground and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it a battlefield.
Additionally
, congestion, adequate accommodation and visitor's safety are the few issues that
are caused
by these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
. During the 2018 ASEAN games in Indonesia, a record number of thefts and stolen cases
were reported
. To tackle such problems required enormous funds and detailed planning.

To sum up, I would like to say that I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that hosting international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
gives more advantages than cons
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
on the other hands the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
needs several actions to minimize
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
that will arise.
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IELTS essay hosting an international sports event

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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