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Some people believe computers will take the teacher’s role, therefore, teachers will be replaced by computers. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people believe computers will take the teacher’s role, therefore, teachers will be replaced by computers. v. 1
f late, the trend of visiting new geographical areas has been immensely popular amongst tourists. It has changed the dynamics of world substantially. Many believe it to be favourable, for the localities as it brought many advantages, while others found it to be harmful to their culture. I would argue for the benefits, it brought. To Begin with, Tourists leave behind the traces of their marks. As, they explore newer places and learn about its cultural heritages, the chances are that, religious beliefs get impacted. Locals do not feel pleased about this change. For instance, in India, when foreigners visit the Sikh Temples, they don't cover their head very often, which is a mandatory ritual to follow. As a result, few local children tend to mock the same. Nevertheless, many irresponsible tourists have not been very cautious about the cleanliness of those places, they roam around. They do spread the garbage sometimes, out of their ignorance. However, this paradigm shift is beneficial to bring more diversities. When tourists roam around the different regions and inspired by their traditions, sometimes, they take it back it to their home countries. To illustrate, Holi, a colourful festival of India, is being celebrated in many countries across the globe. Moreover, one country's local religion has found a space to flourish. During the visits, travellers, who explore and understand the other religions, get inspired too. As it gains popularity, many secular countries, in need of skilled manpower, comes forward and provide them the required space to flourish. For example, in Canada, there are many Hindus and Sikh temples, being established by the Canadian government so that Indians do not feel isolated home away. In conclusion, this trend has contributed a lot, in the expansion of the local cultural heritage to a much larger scale, by enthusiastic globe trotters' great intentions and eventually transforming the world, as a small global village.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
f
late, the trend of visiting new geographical areas has been
immensely
popular amongst
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
. It has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the dynamics of world
substantially
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
believe it to be
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
, for the localities as it brought
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages, while others found it to be harmful to their culture. I would argue for the benefits, it brought.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Tourists
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
behind the traces of their marks. As, they explore newer places and learn about its cultural heritages, the chances are that, religious beliefs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
impacted.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Locals
do not feel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
pleased
about this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
.
For instance
, in India, when foreigners visit the Sikh Temples, they don't cover their head
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
, which is a mandatory ritual to follow.
As a result
, few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
children tend to mock the same.
Nevertheless
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
irresponsible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
have not been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
cautious about the cleanliness of those places, they roam around. They do spread the garbage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
, out of their ignorance.

However
, this paradigm shift is beneficial to bring more diversities. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
roam around the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
regions and inspired by their traditions,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
, they take it back it to their home countries. To illustrate,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Holi
, a
Possible spelling mistake. 'colourful' is British English.
colourful
festival of India, is
being celebrated
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries across the globe.
Moreover
, one country's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
religion has found a space to flourish. During the visits,
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
, who explore and understand the other religions,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
inspired too. As it gains popularity,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
secular countries, in need of skilled manpower,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
forward and provide them the required space to flourish.
For example
, in Canada, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Hindus and Sikh temples,
being established
by the Canadian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that Indians do not feel isolated home away.

In conclusion
, this trend has contributed a lot, in the expansion of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
cultural heritage to a much larger scale, by enthusiastic globe trotters' great intentions and
eventually
transforming the world, as a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
global village.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe computers will take the teacher’s role, therefore, teachers will be replaced by computers. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
315 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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