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Some people become famous at young age it is a good thing or a bad thing?

Some people become famous at young age it is a good thing or a bad thing? KGXl0
The observation have concluded that several individual have gained popularity in their tender age. If questioned, i think this fashion is more detrimental compared to the advantageous factors. My inclination and belief for this trend is justified in the ensuing paragraphs. The foremost reason to justify my stand, fame at young age lead to the alleviation in terms of value. This is due to the overdose of the situation. To illustrate, it is observed that any thing in large amount the water or food, makes human to disrespect for it as a tendency. In addition to that, young ones are not mature enough to respect the fame and even they do not do any hard work for the things the desire. For example, popularity now does not need to think to get a luxurious car, house or even a cell-phone. Therefore they do not respect the celebritism if they get in early age. The foremost reason is that. However, they get addicted at earlier age of life. These is case of heavy influence of peers. Thereupon, they easily get into like, they drinks alcohol because they not seen earlier, in addition the young age believe it's adventurous. Secondly, thry can not handle stress in to daily life and media pressure. For example, they do not have personal life or even though solo all the time. That is why they dipressed all the times and to get drink alcohol and some time they habited of drugs, alcohol. To cap it all, this things to prove that they get habited in earlier stage of age. To sum up and choose my opinion, I confidently support my opinion. Although, several individuals have gain popularity in their tender age. But, they do not value fame and get addicted in the earlier stage of life.
The observation have concluded that several individual have gained popularity in their tender
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
. If questioned,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this fashion is more detrimental compared to the advantageous factors. My inclination and belief for this trend
is justified
in the ensuing paragraphs. The foremost reason to justify my stand, fame at young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
lead to the alleviation in terms of value. This is due to the overdose of the situation. To illustrate, it
is observed
that
Did you mean "anything"?
any thing
in large amount the water or food,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
human to disrespect for it as a tendency.
In addition
to that, young ones are not mature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to respect the fame and even they do not do any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work for the things the desire.
For example
, popularity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
does not need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a luxurious car,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
or even a cell-phone.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
they do not respect the
Possible spelling mistake found.
celebritism
if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
in early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
. The foremost reason is that.
However
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
addicted at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earlier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
The verb 'is' is singular. Did you mean: "This is" or "These am", "These are", "These aren"?
These is
case of heavy influence of peers. Thereupon, they
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into like, they
The pronoun 'they' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "drink"
drinks
alcohol
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earlier
,
in addition
the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
believe it's adventurous.
Secondly
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
thry
can not handle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
in to daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and media pressure.
For example
, they do not have personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
or
even though
solo all the time.
That is
why they
Possible spelling mistake found.
dipressed
all the times and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
drink alcohol and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time they
Possible spelling mistake found.
habited
of drugs, alcohol. To cap it all,
Did you mean "these"?
this
things to prove that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
Possible spelling mistake found.
habited
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earlier
stage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
. To sum up and choose my opinion, I
confidently
support my opinion.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
, several individuals have gain popularity in their tender
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, they do not value fame and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
addicted in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earlier
stage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
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IELTS essay Some people become famous at young age it is a good thing or a bad thing?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
300 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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