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some people argue that travelling abroad is valuable for young person's education. To what extend would you agree with this opinion

some people argue that travelling abroad is valuable for young person's education. To what extend would you agree with this opinion ELVxB
The number of young people getting involved in overseas trips is increasing significantly. While some people claim that they are just wasting their time and money by visiting foreign countries, I believe that this practice is beneficial for their future development. Some people think that traveling abroad costs students a great deal of money and time. Traveling abroad is indeed quite expensive. Also overseas trips require a lot of time which could have been used for their work or study.
The number of young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
getting involved in overseas trips is increasing
significantly
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
claim that they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
wasting their time and money by visiting foreign countries, I believe that this practice is beneficial for their future development.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that traveling abroad costs students a great deal of money and time. Traveling abroad is
indeed
quite expensive.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
overseas trips require
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time which could have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for their work or study.

IELTS essay some people argue that travelling abroad is valuable for young person's education. To what extend would you agree with this opinion

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
80 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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