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In some countries, young people at the age of 18 are considered adults and can drive a car, vote and get married, while other countries don't allow it. What age do you think is the best to be considered an adult? Give reasons and examples. v.2

In some countries, young people at the age of 18 are considered adults and can drive a car, vote and get married, while other countries don't allow it. What age do you think is the best to be considered an adult? Give reasons and examples. v. 2
Advertisements have intruded our daily lives without many of us even realizing how they impact our society. Many believe they provide details of products that could improve our lives; however, there is also an argument that they indirectly compel us to buy stuff that is not at all necessary. I strongly believe, advertisements have in many ways misguided us and have resulted in unnecessary expenditure. Firstly, advertisements have generated a false necessity or pride in using a merchandise, especially when it is endorsed by a celebrity. When a favourite celebrity comes on television and endorses it, people tend to believe him and buy without any hesitation or doing any research. For instance, the famous Indian Cricketer, Sachin Tendulkar’s, endorsing Pepsi 10 years back resulted in a massive surge of Pepsi sales in India. These sales had no rationale behind them, as people bought Pepsi neither because it tasted good nor because it was nutritious; but because Sachin Tendulkar had endorsed it. This is a perfect example how adverts generate false devotion and necessities. Secondly, advertisements also tend to provide inaccurate, inadequate and misleading information about the merchandise. The intrinsic details are comfortably hidden behind the graphics, sound effects and the script in the advertisement. The Volkswagon scandal is a perfect example of misleading advertisements, where the famous car manufacturer advertised a low carbon emission vehicle in early 2000s with flashy animations with flamboyant cars running on futuristic roads. Several years later, it was revealed that Volkwagon had faked its carbon emission data in its advertisements and was ordered to pay millions of dollars as a penalty. In conclusion, although advertisements have their own merits of introducing a product to the masses, their evil sides comfortably overwhelm their pros. Without a government body to monitor the genuineness of advertisements, I would confidently say they do more harm than good to our society.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Advertisements
have intruded our daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
without
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of us even realizing how they impact our society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
believe they provide
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
of products that could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
;
however
, there is
also
an argument that they
indirectly
compel us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
stuff
that is
not at all necessary. I
strongly
believe,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
have in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways misguided us and have resulted in unnecessary expenditure.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
have generated a false necessity or pride in using a merchandise,
especially
when it
is endorsed
by a celebrity. When a
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
celebrity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
on television and endorses it,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
tend to believe him and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
without any hesitation or doing any research.
For instance
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
Indian Cricketer,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sachin
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tendulkar
’s, endorsing Pepsi 10 years back resulted in a massive surge of Pepsi sales in India. These sales had no rationale behind them, as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
Pepsi neither
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it tasted
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
nor
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it was nutritious;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sachin
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tendulkar
had endorsed it. This is a perfect example how adverts generate false devotion and necessities.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
also
tend to provide inaccurate, inadequate and misleading information about the merchandise. The intrinsic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
are
comfortably
hidden behind the graphics, sound effects and the script in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
. The
Possible spelling mistake found.
Volkswagon
scandal is a perfect example of misleading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
, where the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
car manufacturer advertised a low carbon emission vehicle in early 2000s with flashy animations with flamboyant cars running on futuristic roads. Several years later, it
was revealed
that
Possible spelling mistake found.
Volkwagon
had faked its carbon emission data in its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
and
was ordered
to pay millions of dollars as a penalty.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
merits of introducing a product to the masses, their evil sides
comfortably
overwhelm their pros. Without a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
body to monitor the genuineness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
, I would
confidently
say they do more harm than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to our society.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries, young people at the age of 18 are considered adults and can drive a car, vote and get married, while other countries don't allow it. What age do you think is the best to be considered an adult? Give reasons and examples. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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