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Some people are of the opinion that teenagers should be given money as a gift . Others however, oppose this idea.Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people are of the opinion that teenagers should be given money as a gift. Others however, oppose this idea. PMpjj
A number of people argue that money is the best present for the teenagers. However, others think that teenagers should provide another bounties instead of money. While giving money in the form of gift may help teenagers to learn money management this practice may lead them to involve in wrong activities. I personally believe that money as a gift should be given to teenagers, but under parental supervision. On the one hand, receiving gifts in the form cash may help teenager learn money management. In other words, youngers can learn how to use the money. They understand to manage budget. Recent studies have shown that teenagers who are given money in their adolescent more likely to become better budget planner in their adulthood. On the other hand, giving money instead of gifts to adults may lead them to indulge in unfair activities. In simple terms, at that time they are immature. So money is not a useful gift for them because sometimes adults do misuse the money. It creates bad habits in them as smoking, drinking etcetra. For example, according to survey of WHO, 50 percent adults take the drugs because the have their own money. To conclude, money is best gift but some time it creates lots of bad habits in teenagers. So elders should give money to them in limits or just for useful purpose.
A number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is the best present for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
.
However
, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
should provide another bounties
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in the form of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
to learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
management this practice may lead them to involve in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
activities. I
personally
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
under parental supervision. On the one hand, receiving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
in the form cash may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenager
learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
management.
In other words
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
youngers can
learn how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. They understand to manage budget. Recent studies have shown that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
who are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in their adolescent more likely to become better budget planner in their adulthood.
On the other hand
, giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
to adults may lead them to indulge in unfair activities. In simple terms, at that time they are immature.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is not a useful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
for them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
adults do misuse the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. It creates
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits in them as smoking, drinking
Possible spelling mistake found.
etcetra
.
For example
, according to survey of
Did you mean "whom"?
WHO
, 50 percent adults take the drugs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
A determiner is probably missing here: "is the best".
is best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time it creates lots of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
elders should give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to them in limits or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
for useful purpose.

IELTS essay Some people are of the opinion that teenagers should be given money as a gift. Others however, oppose this idea.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
227 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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