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Some people are leaving the countryside to live in cities and towns, leaving only old people in the countryside? What are the problems of this issue? What can be done to solve the problem? v.2

Some people are leaving the countryside to live in cities and towns, leaving only old people in the countryside? What are the problems of this issue? What can be done to solve the problem? v. 2
TODAY, IT IS OFTEN TRUE THAT THE SUBURB AREAS ARE OVER CROWDED AS A RESULT OF MYRIAD NUMBER OF OPPORTUNITIES IN PERSONAL AND PROFESSIONAL LIFE AS WELL. THIS RESULTED IN LEAVING AGED CIVILIANS IN THE SMALL VILLAGES. THIS TREND DO HAVE SEVERAL IMPACT ON AN ENVIRONMENT AND ON OTHER SIDE WE DO HAVE NUMEROUS IDEAS TO TACKLE IT THAT WOULD BE DISCUSSED BELOW. FIRSTLY, THE MAJOR MENACE IS THAT THERE IS A SURGE IN THE AIR AND NOISE POLLUTION IN THE TOWNS AND CITIES. THIS COULD LEAD TO DANGEROUS DISEASES AMONG THE INDIVIDUALS SUCH AS ASTHMA, CHRONIC OBSTRUCTIVE PULMONARY DISEASE. COSEQUENTLY, THIS CAN BE LIFE THREATENING, WHEREAS PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN VILLAGES HAVE PURE QUALITY AIR TO BREATH AND LIVE LONGER THAN CITY DWELLERS. FOR EXAMPLE, ENVIRONMENTAL STUDY HAVE SHOWED THAT THERE IS A 70% INCREASE IN THE POLLUTION IN LARGER CITIES LIKE NEW YORK OWNING TO RISED MIGRATION SINCE 5 YEARS. SECONDLY, THE PRIME SOLUTION OF THIS ISSUE IS OFFERING A MORE JOBS OPPORTUNITIES IN SEVERAL SECTORS BY THE REGIME. DUE TO THIS OFFERS, MANY FURTHER GENERATION WOULD STOP MIGRATING WHICH IS CONSIDERABLY THE CAUSE OF A PROBLEM. BY THIS, FOLKS ARE NOT ONLY BEING MEDIUM TO RESEARVE THE SURROUNDING BUT ALSO PARTICIPATING IN THE DEVELOPMENT OF THE TINY VILLAGES. HENCE, AUTOMATICALLY, ECONOMY WOULD ALSO RISE TO SOME EXTENT. FOR INSTANCE, AS PER THE SURVEY OF THE UK REGIME, 80% OF DWELLERS STOPPED CHANGING THEIR LIVING PLACES AS NOW THEY HAVE ENOUGH WORK OPTIONS WITHIN THE VILLAGE AREAS. IN CONCLUSION, MIGRATION INDEED BE AN AID TO THE INDIVIDUALS TO OBTAIN A BETTER LIFE BUT, PERHAPS IT WOULD HAVE DETRIMENTAL IMPACT ON BOTH THE ENVIRONMENT AND HUMAN. THEREFORE, IT IS A GOOD IDEA TO TAKE A RIGHT MEASURE AT THE EARLIEST AS POSSIBLE. SO, THAT THE PROBLEM CAN DECLINE TO SOME DEGREE FURTHER.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
TODAY
, IT IS
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
OFTEN
TRUE THAT THE SUBURB AREAS ARE OVER CROWDED
AS A RESULT
OF MYRIAD NUMBER OF OPPORTUNITIES IN PERSONAL AND PROFESSIONAL LIFE
AS WELL
. THIS RESULTED IN LEAVING AGED CIVILIANS IN THE
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SMALL
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
VILLAGES
.
The verb 'DO' is plural. Did you mean: "THIS TREND does"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
THIS TREND DO
HAVE SEVERAL IMPACT ON AN ENVIRONMENT AND ON OTHER SIDE WE DO HAVE NUMEROUS
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
IDEAS
TO TACKLE IT THAT WOULD
BE DISCUSSED
BELOW.

FIRSTLY
, THE MAJOR MENACE IS THAT THERE IS A SURGE IN THE AIR AND NOISE POLLUTION IN THE TOWNS AND CITIES. THIS COULD LEAD TO
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
DANGEROUS
DISEASES AMONG THE INDIVIDUALS SUCH AS ASTHMA, CHRONIC OBSTRUCTIVE PULMONARY DISEASE.
Possible spelling mistake found.
COSEQUENTLY
, THIS CAN BE LIFE THREATENING, WHEREAS
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
PEOPLE
WHO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
LIVE
IN
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
VILLAGES
HAVE PURE QUALITY AIR TO BREATH AND
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
LIVE
LONGER THAN CITY DWELLERS.
FOR EXAMPLE
, ENVIRONMENTAL STUDY HAVE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
SHOWED
THAT THERE IS A 70% INCREASE IN THE POLLUTION IN LARGER CITIES LIKE NEW YORK OWNING TO
Possible spelling mistake found.
RISED
MIGRATION
Did you mean "for"? ('since' refers to a point in time, whereas 'for' refers to a period)
SINCE
5 YEARS.

SECONDLY
, THE PRIME SOLUTION OF THIS ISSUE IS OFFERING A MORE JOBS OPPORTUNITIES IN SEVERAL SECTORS BY THE REGIME. DUE TO
Did you mean "these"?
THIS
OFFERS,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
MANY
FURTHER
GENERATION WOULD
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
STOP
MIGRATING WHICH IS
CONSIDERABLY
THE CAUSE OF A PROBLEM. BY THIS, FOLKS ARE NOT
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ONLY
BEING MEDIUM TO
Possible spelling mistake found.
RESEARVE
THE SURROUNDING
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BUT
ALSO
PARTICIPATING IN THE DEVELOPMENT OF THE TINY
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
VILLAGES
.
HENCE
,
AUTOMATICALLY
, ECONOMY WOULD
ALSO
RISE TO
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
EXTENT.
FOR INSTANCE
, AS PER THE SURVEY OF THE UK REGIME, 80% OF DWELLERS
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
STOPPED
CHANGING THEIR LIVING PLACES AS
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
NOW
THEY HAVE
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
ENOUGH
WORK OPTIONS WITHIN THE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
VILLAGE
AREAS.

IN CONCLUSION
, MIGRATION
INDEED
BE AN AID TO THE INDIVIDUALS TO OBTAIN A BETTER LIFE
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BUT
, PERHAPS IT WOULD HAVE DETRIMENTAL IMPACT ON BOTH THE ENVIRONMENT AND HUMAN.
THEREFORE
, IT IS A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
GOOD
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
IDEA
TO TAKE A RIGHT MEASURE AT THE EARLIEST AS POSSIBLE.
“SO , THAT” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
SO, THAT
THE PROBLEM CAN DECLINE TO
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
Did you mean "degrees"?
DEGREE
FURTHER
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people are leaving the countryside to live in cities and towns, leaving only old people in the countryside? What are the problems of this issue? What can be done to solve the problem? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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