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Some people are leaving the countryside to live in cities and towns, leaving only old people in the countryside? What are the problems of this issue? What can be done to solve the problem? v.1

Some people are leaving the countryside to live in cities and towns, leaving only old people in the countryside? What are the problems of this issue? What can be done to solve the problem? v. 1
Nowadays, for getting better job opportunities, facilities and exposure, people are migrating to the rural places living their parents in the village. The following essay states the issues associated with the movements and the steps what can we take to overcome the problems. One of the main problems about this movement is the helpless state of the elder generation. It has been observed that so many elder citizens are suffering in their native with older age issues. Actually, old age is the time, where they need more care and attention. During this period, their immunity starts degrading and they are prone to attack by the diseases. For instance, in a recent survey conducted by human well fare association in India, discovered that, more than 50% of higher age are suffering from mental and physical issue. Moreover, they dies without getting proper medications. This results in thinking about the solutions for preventing these kinds of issues. The most effective ways to overcome this issues are providing better exposure and job opportunities for youngsters so that, they do not have to migrate to town leaving the parents alone. The government should come up with better infrastructure for health and education system so everyone will be satisfied with the village side development. Furthermore, it is better, if law authority has taken steps to protect their orphanage citizens. For instance, in Australia, the government is protecting the older persons by providing them free medication and home stay with all facilities. After implementing this, the death rate of the elder people has been reduced and youngsters are feeling relaxed in their life. In conclusion, mostly the older generation issues are important related to the migration. By considering this, the government either should develop the village side infrastructure or should come up with the flawless rules to protect them.
Nowadays, for getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
job opportunities, facilities and exposure,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are migrating to the rural places living their parents in the village. The following essay states the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
associated with the movements and the steps what can we take to overcome the problems.

One of the main problems about this movement is the helpless state of the elder generation. It has
been observed
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
elder citizens are suffering in their native with older age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
. Actually,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
age is the time, where they need more care and attention. During this period, their immunity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
degrading and
they are prone to attack by the diseases.
For instance
, in a recent survey conducted by human well fare association in India, discovered that, more than 50% of higher age are suffering from mental and physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
.
Moreover
, they
The pronoun 'they' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "die"
dies
without getting proper medications. This results in thinking about the solutions for preventing these kinds of issues.

The most effective ways to overcome
Did you mean "these"?
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
are providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
exposure and job opportunities for youngsters
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that, they do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
migrate to town leaving the parents alone. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
infrastructure for health and education system
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
everyone will
be satisfied
with the village side development.
Furthermore
, it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
, if law authority has taken steps to protect their orphanage citizens.
For instance
, in Australia, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
is protecting the older persons by providing them free medication and home stay with all facilities. After implementing this, the death rate of the elder
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
and youngsters are feeling relaxed in their life.

In conclusion
,
mostly
the older generation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
related to the migration. By considering this, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
either should develop the village side infrastructure or should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with the flawless
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
to protect them.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people are leaving the countryside to live in cities and towns, leaving only old people in the countryside? What are the problems of this issue? What can be done to solve the problem? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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