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Some people are fond of buying new gadgets, phones, or laptops. Is this a good or bad thing? Discuss your opinion. v.2

Some people are fond of buying new gadgets, phones, or laptops. Is this a good or bad thing? Discuss your opinion. v. 2
Technology has changed the priorities of people. Many individuals like to stay purchase newly launched hi-tech gadgets. In my opinion, staying updated with upgraded innovations is important but it can cause a lot of issues to the environment. First, People nowadays are very fond of changing their tech appliances every year. Due to technology improvement and enhancement new upgraded versions are being launched in different devices very frequently. Some people consider it as their social status to keep the trendy new launched phones, laptops and other such gadgets. For instance, one of my friends changed her mobile phone as soon as a new iPhone X was launched; Although, she bought her iphone8 just a few months back; She did this just to show people that she is the one who bought it on the first place in our friend circle. Next, Technology is harming our environment majorly. Although, different Tech stuff is being designed to work properly for a longer period like usual phones work best for 3 years, laptops for almost 10 years and so on. But most people use their phones for just a year and then they are of no use and they throw them away. All these scenarios lead to a high amount of unused gadget discarded as garbage even before the are expired. For example, Lithium batties can work as explosives at high temperature and aluminum can erode the soil in the land and make it infertile, effecting nature badly. In conclusion, I would like to say that excessive discard of old gadgets will lead to major environmental issues. So buying new appliances without requirement is not a beneficial decision for the humankind.
Technology has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the priorities of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
individuals like to stay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
newly
launched hi-tech
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gadgets
. In my opinion, staying updated with upgraded innovations is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it can cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
issues to the environment.

First
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
nowadays are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
fond of changing their tech appliances every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
. Due to technology improvement and enhancement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
upgraded versions are
being launched
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
devices
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
frequently
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider it as their social status to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the trendy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
launched
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
, laptops and other such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gadgets
.
For instance
, one of my friends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
her mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
iPhone X
was launched
; Although, she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
her iphone8
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a few months back; She did this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that she is the one who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
it on the
first
place in our friend circle.

Next
, Technology is harming our environment
majorly
. Although,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Tech stuff is
being designed
to work
properly
for a longer period like usual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
work best for 3 years, laptops for almost 10 years and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
year and
then they are of no
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
use and
they throw them away. All these scenarios lead to a high amount of unused
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gadget
discarded as garbage even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the
are expired
.
For example
, Lithium
Possible spelling mistake found.
batties
can work as explosives at high temperature and aluminum can erode the soil in the land and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it infertile, effecting nature
badly
.

In conclusion
, I would like to say that excessive discard of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gadgets
will lead to major environmental issues.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
appliances without requirement is not a beneficial decision for the humankind.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people are fond of buying new gadgets, phones, or laptops. Is this a good or bad thing? Discuss your opinion. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
278 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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